IfYouGiveAMindensenABlog

It's been a little over a week since my 22nd birthday, and FAR more weeks than that since my last blog. Since graduating from Outfitters over a year ago, I know that my blogs have become more and more spread apart, less consistent. Why is that? Is it b/c I don't have anything to share? Now that I'm back in "normalcy"? -living back at home with the fam, going to school, a summer NOT at camp, working a part time job... Does that really mean there aren't challenge's and life-lessons to learn and share? ...the answer is NO, but I ceased to pay attention... I got "caught-up", busy. Let my life roll for awhile. "Going through the motions" as the Matthew West puts it. I've tried to ignore it, and push the feeling of restlessness aside. I KNOW I'm thirsty, but I'm "content" with life as it is right, and that's a GOOD thing, right?! WRONG! The Bible has a word for those kinds of Christians "luke-warm" and in Revelations 3:16, Jesus spits them out of his mouths saying "You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, and poor..."

In truth, when I sat down to write this, I did not plan on going here... but it's a place I needed to be brought to I suppose. The last couple weeks at church there have been some REALLY convicting and challenging messages... messages I'm still mulling over, but at some point I NEED to act.

I'll admit it, I have GREAT ambition. It's partly a pride-thing; I want to BE someone, I want to REALLY make a difference with my life. Right now, I have a pretty decent job working in the business world. It's a GREAT opportunity to gain experience, and get my foot into the international market world. It's exciting, and can be fun... but sometimes (okay, a LOT of times) on my 1.5hr (on average) commute drive home, I think to myself, "Is this REALLY all there is for me in the future?" "Is this REALLY all I want in life? To be successful in business?" and on the surface my answer is "Yes, I could do this for the rest of my life", but then I take a minute (or SEVERAL b/c I have them sitting in traffic) and I realize I feel the emptiness in that pursuit...

I started reading Ecclesiastes again the other day, and if you know me, you know it's a book I come back to a lot. It's a book I feel like I really relate to. Here's Solomon, the wisest man to EVER live, and he wants to DO something with his time on earth. Because of his VAST resources he is able to 'dabble' in a variety of things, and he records them in Ecclesiastes (for those of us withOUT said VAST amounts of resources)in order to show the futile-ness of life, and really of ANYTHING we could set-out to do on this earth. "Meaningless, Meaningless," he says. Which at this point you are now all probably thinking... "how depressing, and you LIKE this book...", however there is HOPE. Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 (emphasis mine)... "A man can do NOTHING better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without HIM, who can eat or find enjoyment?" The KEY here is GOD. There are PLENTY of things we can find to do in order to pass the time in this life. However, only GOD can bring meaning to it. Without HIM there is nothing...

A verse that I keep coming back to recently is Psalm 127:1a "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain..." It doesn't matter how HARD I work, how much effort I put into something, if God isn't in my planning, it's meaningless. If it's not something I'd doing WITH and FOR HIM, it all is for naught. It doesn't matter what grades I get, the job I work, the how much money I make, how "spiritual" I am, how much I go to church, how much I donate, how many friends I have, what kinds of relationships I try to build... they are all pointless if I don't include GOD...

So, I'd like to end this on a "happy", "inspiring" note, but I can't... I feel like I'm wasting my life away, and I don't know how to change it... I'm not sure I want to... I LIKE my life the way it is... it's not perfect... but there aren't waves... :/ It's like I'm dying for an adventure on the sea, but am content to play on the beach where the waves can't get me... how sad is that?

Luckily, I have a God who can calm those seas! (Mark 4)... I definitely was NOT planning on getting to THAT verse...

God... I don't want to waste my life. I want to live a life that is holy and pleasing to You. God, You have a plan, and it's a GREAT one. Help me to seek YOU in ALL things, as You promise I will FIND You if I look with ALL my heart (Jeremiah 29:11-...) LORD, I love You, and I don't want to be "luke-warm", but I NEED Your help to change... God, I want to truly give my life to You, but You are going to have to help me lay it down. I can NOT let go on my own. I can already feel the resistance in me, and the complacency settling in... I WANT, to WANT to change... so here's my SOS. Save me God from myself, as only You can. Thank You Father for Your LOVE, and forgiveness... everyday I a realize more and more how MUCH I need them... and TOTALLY do NOT deserve them. Your GRACE is TRULY AMAZING! -Amen

So, there it is... that's what's been on my heart and mind... read, don't read, be challenged, don't be... but PLEASE pray for me... clearly I need it! ...and let me know if I can be praying for you...

God is GOOD! ♥

Socrates: "Then, my very good friend, we should not give so much thought to what the majority of people will say about us, but think instead of what the person who understands just and unjust things will say -- the ONE man and the TRUTH itself. So your first claim -- that we should give thought to the opinion of the majority about what's just, fine, good, and their opposites -- isn't right" (CRITO)

WOW! Does anyone else hear and SEE the TRUTH in that???

Jesus says "I am the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father but through me" (John 14:6)

And in Proverbs it say
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

John 7:18
Whoever speaks on their own does so to gain personal glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.

AH! SO MANY GREAT verses about TRUTH... especially in Romans. Surprise! (Click TRUTH for link)

My philosophy homework is rocking my world, and it's not even a "christian" source.

God is GOOD!♥

Kill me!
If that is the price
to have Truth shine in my life,
I will gladly pay it.

These words are essentially the attitude Socrates had in the face of his accusers; those countrymen who wished to see him dead because he had offended them with the truth.

Socrates, a "pagan", a classical Greek philosopher, is willing to DIE for what he believes to be the Truth, and to be HIS calling to the people around him. "You're not thinking straight, sir, if you think that a man who's any use at all should give any opposing weight to the risk of living or dying, instead of looking to this alone whenever he does anything; whether his actions are just or unjust, the deeds of a good or bad man" (The Apology of Socrates) Now, we as Christians know that is God who knows our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7), and that it's by the WORD that live (2 Timothy 3:16. However, are we willing to stand up for what WE KNOW AS TRUTH, and be willing TO DIE for it?!

Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (Luke 9:23-24)

What does this look like?

God is GOOD!♥

Dear Lord Jesus
I need Your Grace
and Your Strength.
Help me to be obedient
in the trials I face.
When I gave You my life
I gave You control.
Now it's time for me to
really live that role.

Letting You direct
wherever You choose.
Trusting I'll gain
more than I'll lose.
Actively submitting
myself to Your Will.
Obediently following
no matter the 'bill'.

You paid a price greater
than anything I could pay.
Proving Your LOVE,
paving The Way.
I now have access to
the ABUNDANT life.
Sometimes for now though
that means strife.
Living in a broken world
means making a choice.
Picking a shepherd,
and following his voice.

I chose You Jesus;
The Good Shepherd,
my Savoir, and Friend.
You’re the One to follow
till the very End.
Your Way is the Best,
but it can be hard to see.
Sometimes it can even
appear as terrible to me.

I believe Lord though
that You are Loving, and kind.
You do ALL things
with our BEST in mind.
Thank You God
for being good, and faithful.
For Your promises, Lord
I am grateful.

Thank You that
You’ll never leave me.
Thank You for
a yoke that’s easy,
Thank You God for
the strength to act,
even when I think I can’t.
Thank You for
Your Spirit that guides me,
gives me wisdom,
And lives inside me.

Thank You for
the power to carry on,
and grace through which
my weaknesses are made strong.
My eyes are on You.
Lead on where You Will.
No matter what happens,
I will trust You still.

God is GOOD!♥

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

The Greek word peirazo which is translated here as 'temptation' can also be defined as 'to test'. A friend of my mine recently called me with a really encouraging thought about that, which is why it's on my mind. Though there are certainly times when we are specifically tempted, these aren't the only times at which this verse can be applied. Often, when going through a trial, we turn to the common though ever elusive concept of "consider it pure joy my brother's whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete..." (James 1:2-4a). However, why can we be confident, "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ"(Philippians 1:6)? ...ANSWER? "God is faithful" :)

...isn't that nice to know? Whether you're being tempted, or tested, we have a God who will be standing by you no matter what, through whom "we can do all things" (Philippians 4:13), and who can "do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20).

We may not know what's going on, but if we trust in the Lord with all our hearts,(Proverbs 3:5), not doubting (James 1:6) or leaning on own understanding, He will make our paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. (Psalm 91:1)

God is GOOD!♥

I'm taking a "Leadership" class right now at my school during it's Winter semester, which is just a 2 week period between Christmas break, and the start of Spring semester. Honestly, as an "ACE facilitator", and just going through multiple "leadership/team building" things, I kind of expected it to be a fairly "repeat"class. I wasn't really expecting to be told or do anything new... silly right?

So, we keep journals for this class, but today I felt the need to blog about my experience first. There is just so much going on in my head right now that a notebook page just seems too confining.

For today, the syllabus says "Group Experience meet in Grand Lobby". Now, because of what I've already said, I looked at that and thought "team building". I was wrong. (SPOILER ALERT: this blog will kind of "disqualify" you from participating in similar experiences)

Once everyone was there, our professor walked over to where we were gathered, and he had 3 other facilitators with him, whom he introduced. There wasn't anybody I didn't recognize. He then let another lady explain what we were going to do. In general, what was going to happen was that we were each going to be given a slip of paper with our name on it, and instructions. We could not talk from that point on, and we couldn't show each other our slips. This is what my slip said:

Follow the captain to the back corner of the lobby. Remain standing. Do not watch the movie.
Do not even turn your head or body toward the movie screen. Do not speak. Wait for further
directions. If one of the captains makes a request of you do as they ask as quickly and
quietly as possible.

My personality is to have a mini 'panic attack' at this point. What are they going to ask me to do? Will it be embarrassing? Am I going to be able to keep still? Wait, what did my paper say again? Shoot! did I forget something? I hope I don't forget anything... etc. :) Sound like you??? Anywho, all this kind of passed through my head in a matter of moments, and I came to the conclusion that I trusted the people facilitating to not ask me to do something that would be bad, and if they did I wouldn't do it, but otherwise, I was okay with following my slip of paper... and then the "experience" began.

They called us out in groups. Starting with the blue group (my paper said red at the top, which I actually didn't notice until after class, my name was written in red though, so I assumed that's what they were talking about), they walked my fellow classmates into the main lobby area. The green group went next. Each group had a 'captain' or facilitator that went with them. I didn't really pay attention to where they went right away, but when Red was called, I followed the rest of my group into the main part of the lobby. We were just heading to the closest back corner, but from that short walk I could see that there was a screen and projector set up in front of which a couple of other students were sitting, and then behind to the back right there was another group of students sitting in chairs facing the screen. We Reds were then told to face the wall, and stand as close together as possible, and to not talk. So that's what I did. Soon after, I could hear the theme music of Batman Begins start to fill the room, and the film proceeded to play. I settled in to my spot. I had seen the movie and could pretty much watch the scenes in my head. :) Every once in awhile, our 'captain' would ask for something to be given her... chap-stick,sweatshirt, shoe, sock, earring, hair-tie... nothing very big. It was generally asked with some urgency, and since my instructions said to respond quickly and quietly, if I had the object I would hand it over unless someone else had already started to give her something. No big deal. Sometimes, I would hear her correct somebody in my group for moving or to stop looking around, but for the most part we were doing a good job of following what at least my slip said. At one point though there was a little 'tension' because someone was asked for something specific they didn't have, which they thought he was 'lying'. This said person, later took off, and ran out of the building and away from the experience entirely.

Through out this time, the movie was still playing, but I could hear other 'captains' asking for stuff from the other group, but there didn't seem to be anything crazy going on. After the one guy ran away, there was definitely a change in the group I was standing in. The guy right next to me, the next time we were asked for something, actually started to talk about, and question our 'captain', and even added a "you can't punish us", basically saying she didn't really have 'power' to enforce what she was asking for...

Our professor eventually called the experience to a close, and we all drew chairs up towards the screen. (The movie was shut off :( ...now I do want to go watch Batman Begins) ...The guy who ran off was called, and he eventually came back, but we started our debrief with out him. And this is where I really started to struggle.

From my understanding, what the experience was supposed to demonstrate was how people respond to 'oppression', and how other people respond to seeing others 'being oppressed'. I came out of the debrief, feeling like I was looked at as being 'weak' for just 'giving in', but I can't help feel that in the end that wasn't a fair evaluation.

Romans 13:1-5 says "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, and agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience."

Now, I realize that we shouldn't just mindlessly follow ANYBODY, but that we should be careful of whom we trust,whom we place ourselves under,and that ultimately, we answer to God FIRST before any human authority. However, I had already DECIDED in advance that it was okay to TRUST the people in authority, and I ALREADY knew my LIMITS going in, and nothing they asked crossed the line. Furthermore, I strongly believe that "God is our refuge and strength. An ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not FEAR..." (Psalm 46:1-2a). This verse honestly passed through my brain as I was standing facing the wall, but with that same thought I realized "I am NOT in TROUBLE". There was NOTHING TO FEAR to begin with. So, even though, it could be seen as 'weak' and 'mindless' to simply hand over my sweatshirt when asked, there was actually a LOT of thought that went into that DECISION to be obedient.

• I didn't have a good reason to disobey
• If this was some type of scenario we were supposed to be acting out my lack of adherence to what I was told could effect the overall purpose for the experience
• I didn't know what was written on other people's slips. As far as I knew, they were INSTRUCTED to 'rebel', and I was NOT.

As the debrief continued, we were told about the 'by-stander effect' which is generally associated with EMERGENCY situations, and shows how people in crowds will tend to not help someone in need out of fear of standing out, or assuming that someone else will help. It's kind of sad to think about, but at the same time, in this experience there wasn't that kind of need. None of my classmates were being hurt, or abused; physically OR verbal. So, we were made to stand for 32 minutes facing a wall, and we weren't allowed to watch a movie. So, we had to stand close together, and give our 'captain' some of our things. So? I'm not being hurt, I know I'm getting those things back. I'm not hurting anyone else, or being asked to take something from someone else. In fact, as far as I knew, it was potentially MORE of risk to NOT obey because I could negatively effect the scenario that the facilitators were trying to present.

Side note: As someone who has had to facilitate different activities, it is ESPECIALLY FRUSTRATING when people don't listen and can't seem to wait patiently for/or follow basic instructions, and can't seem to let me say ANYTHING without being told WHY, or asking some other question... and most of the time I was trying to organize a FUN event, that quickly became UN-FUN because no one would listen, or follow instructions. All of this played a part in my response.

Continuing on, we eventually took a break, and then headed back to our normal 'classroom'. There, our professor kind of proceeded with the discussion of social/psychological experiments. The one we specifically talked about was The Standford Prison experiment, which to save time, I'll just insert a link to the Youtube video here.

Something that was emphasized in our original debrief, and after this movie was the idea of being observant, and being aware of the bigger picture. "There is ALWAYS more going on". In the Standford experiment, there was a 'prisoner' who forgot that he wasn't REALLY a prisoner, but after being reminded that he really was just a student participating in an experiment he was able to calm down, and be rational again. It was his in-ability to remain rational that made him freak out in the first place. This I believe is key, and something that should have been said about the experience we went through in class. Just like the 'prisoners', we were just students in an activity. We weren't really being 'oppressed'. There was nothing to get freaked out about, which is why, it's kind of upsetting to be told that is really what it takes for the experience to be 'successful'. I feel like our experience matches more closely with the Prison than with the By-stander Effect. The people who remained rational I believe are the people who TRULY responded correctly, as opposed to the people who got upset, just because they didn't LIKE what was going on.
Responding out of discomfort, or dislike is DIFFERENT than responding because something is morally or ethically WRONG. One I believe to be belligerence, the other demonstrates a true sense of justice and compassion. The former seems more selfish, the latter selfless.

Now,I am not a perfect person, and I certainly am often afraid. In fact, on my way home today, as I was processing through some of this, I drove passed a car that was blocking a lane, and the boy clearly was stuck. He was going through his trunk though, and seemed to 'know' what to do. I didn't know how I could help, so at first I drove past... which is usually my excuse. "I wouldn't be any help" or "I am a girl". However, I realized I at least had a phone I could offer in case maybe he didn't have one so I turned around, drove back and asked if he needed help. He didn't, but still, it was evidence to me that there are certainly times when I'm not the one to quickly jump to help someone in need. Also, in my attempt to defend myself in class today, I was challenged with the idea that there probably were areas/things that I did compromise on, or let go unchallenged in my life that were subtle things, or things that just weren't blatantly terrible. That really made me think, and I am sure there are areas/things that I should be less compliant about. This experience just wasn't one of them.

I pray to God though, that HE will give me the strength and the courage to ACT according to HIS WILL, and through HIS POWER, if/when a situation comes up in which I DO need to speak/act out against some kind of authority, and I believe He will.

"No temptation has seized you accept what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) Now, I will probably write a whole OTHER blog about this verse, but in summary, the Greek word for 'temptation', can also be translated as 'to test'. There is NO real difference except in the WHO. If it's God doing something...He's TESTING. If it is the devil...he's TEMPTING. Otherwise, the words are the same. God allows things for a reason, often we don't know the reason, but we are told that He will be there with us, and will help us. :)

God is GOOD!♥