IfYouGiveAMindensenABlog

Hi Everybody!
I'm sorry I've been bad at keeping up. It's been pretty crazy being a full-time student, a "Part-time" employee, an average human being who needs sleep/basic other things, girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend, peer, involved student...Anywho, my real big time eaters are/were classes/hw and my job.
As of last Friday, I am no longer employed, but I have to say that it was a learning lesson. Also, for the most part it wasn't a bad job, gas is just too expensive. Well, between commuting to school, and my job, that required me to drive all over the south-eastern suburbs (and slightly into IN), I have spent a LOT of time driving.
So, I was thinking of just starting a whole 'new' blog for random things I've thought of/learned from my driving experiences, but lets be serious, I have a hard enough time keeping this one up :) I plan to just write individual blogs and have a specific "Life Lessons of a Commuter Student" label. I will hopefully post my first one after I finish this post.
School has been going well, but the for the last couple of weeks I've felt very unmotivated, and a little lost. God, however, has been very good to me (SURPRISE!. I am currently scheduled to remain at Trinity at least for another semester, but please continue to pray for guidance for me. Right now, it's kind of a day-to-day thing. There have been plenty of learning opportunities both in and outside of the classroom. Pray that I am a good witness for JESUS to my classmates (Yes, I go to Christian school, but I don't take it for granted that all my peers are Christians too). It's a struggle sometimes to not get angry and to be judgmental. My prayer as of late has been "God help me to be compassionate as You have shown compassion to me, and to love as You have loved me". I know it's not going to happen over night, but people won't be drawn to cruelty/loathing, but to love.
Last night (early this morning), I finished a paper for my Theology class on Genesis 22, and I hope to post it once I get it back, but the main point I got from my research was that God cares about our HEARTS. He wants to be the One whom our hearts are fixed upon, and whom we trust wholeheartedly .
Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite verse to quote, but often people stop there. It's unfortunate because I've come to find verse 13 to be the best part...
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart

I have a lot of questions about my future. I have hopes and I have dreams (fears too!), but I have a God who just wants to be in a relationship with me. He'll take care of the rest (Mat 6:33...I couldn't help referencing it), and it'll probably be better than I could ever imagine (Eph 3:20!). Truth is, I've been REALLY stressed out these last couple months. It hasn't been a constant thing, but it's certainly been 'hanging' over my head. I've started looking at the waves around me instead of focusing on my Savoir JESUS (Mat14:29-31). I've been trying to 'feel in control', and have just wound up feeling MORE lost, MORE confused, and just generally dissatisfied with life/demotivated. I wish I could say "I'm done" with all that, but I know it will still be a battle, but with Thanksgiving coming up in a few days, it's once again a GREAT reminder of God's GREAT provision in my life. It is much easier to feel better when my eyes are on God and what He's done, and NOT on myself. Because I have included all of my other typical verses, I can't finish this post without (yes, you guessed it) Philippians 4:6-7...
Dear God, you know my hopes and my dreams. You know what I'm going through, my current stresses, the little things that drag me down. I thank for the job opportunity and helping me through it. I thank you for how you've continued to provide for, and for the little 'gifts' you give me each day as a reminder of your presence. Help me Holy Spirit to continue to trust you with all my heart, and grant me a peace that surpasses all understanding. I'm sorry for how I've tried to take control, continue to pry my life from my hands. It's ours and I KNOW I will be much better off with YOU in control...Thank You for Your peace. -Amen

God is GOOD!♥

Ecclesiastes 7:18 say, "It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid ALL extremes." Luke 11:11-12 says, "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Now I know to some those two passages don't really go together, but to me right now they mean EVERYTHING. Please bear with me right now because I'm only just starting to get used to writing exactly what I'm thinking, which is generally pretty random, so here I go.

For some reason I struggle with letting myself be happy. If I'm happy I tend to think I'm doing something spiritually wrong, which is a COMPLETE misrepresentation of who God is...which is GOOD! Did you know that? God is GOOD! Sometimes I struggle with believing that, but time and time again God proves that He really is GOOD. That is why I try to end ALL of my blogs with "God is GOOD!♥" because it is something very important to remember. So, back to the passages...as those of you who have kept up with my blog/my life in general know, I recently started down the path of 'non-singleness', and well...it's been GREAT! God has really used the relationship in general to teach me LOTS of things (including this current topic), and has definitely been using my boyfriend to challenge, grow, and strengthen my faith in HIM. However, I started to feel like maybe I was holding on to my boyfriend too tight. I've had kind of a lot of people walk out of my life recently, and have had to say some pretty tough Goodbyes, but one Goodbye I don't think I could do would be saying goodbye to my boyfriend. Then I started to worry...which was my first problem, now that I'm looking back, that maybe since I couldn't POSSIBLY right now imagine giving up my relationship with Jeremy, that meant that I was holding onto him TOO TIGHTLY and needed to break-up with him in order to have a healthy relationship with God. Now here's where the Ecclesiastes verse comes in...I probably really have been holding too tightly to my relationship with Jeremy, but that does NOT mean I'm supposed to just let it go all together...that's just jumping to another extreme. Just because I enjoy a GOOD gift (one that I...my parents, and many others have been praying about in general for, for years) to a little bit of an extreme, doesn't mean I need to go to the other extreme and feel like I need to give it back...'sorry God, what you gave me was just too good and I'm enjoying it too much, so I need to give it back..." That doesn't make any sense. Now YES, I do need to place my relationship in God's hands, and let it be under his control, but my fear of losing people...which makes me hold on to people tightly...which makes it harder for me to let go of people...shouldn't be and isn't a good reason for throwing away a GOOD, ENCOURAGING, God-led relationship. Yes, if my boyfriend becomes an idol, and I start to place him in the way of my relationship with God, I need to ask God to help me switch that back around...dropping the relationship isn't the answer...Placing God back where He belongs in my life IS...

So God, I recognize You as Lord of my life, I thank You for being a giver of GOOD gifts, and even though at times I try to make myself believe that I don't deserve good gifts, You just keep reminding me that...no I don't deserve anything...that's why it's a GIFT :) So, I thank you for Jeremy, and just ask for continued guidance...You ARE GOOD! ♥

God is GOOD! ♥

I've read that in orienteering there are 3 important things a person needs to know: Where they are going, how they are going to get there, and where they are at. However, often times in the military, for safety measures very little information about a location is given. Often people are only told things on a 'need to know' basis. Many times in life, I find it hard to figure out where I'm at or to see where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. However, I know that I have an All-powerful,All-knowing, Ever-present Commander in Chief, and I trust HIM to let me know what I need to know and when I need to know it. I trust HIM to guide me to the places I need to be, and to provide the ways to get there. All I need to focus on is HIM, and the mission He has given me to accomplish. Sometimes I feel lost, and sometimes it IS because I'm in the wrong place, but sometimes I don't know where I'm at because I don't need to know, and that's OKAY because if I know that's where God wants me to be, then I'm not really lost.

So God, I don't really know where I'm at...I don't really know what's going to happen, or where I'm going...and I don't know how I'm going to get there...what I DO know is that God you called me to be HERE at BLBC last year for a reason, that you brought Jeremy and I together this summer for a reason, and that YOU are still just as in control and present in my life and the lives of the people around me as You were back then. Knowing that, I can be more confident as I go forward that You will be there for me, and will guide me along the path of life that is BEST. I will generally not understand what's going on or why...but You are the God who 'does not change like shifting shadows', You are the same Yesterday, Today, and Forever. So, even when the world seems a mess, and I start to get disoriented, all I need to do is fix my eyes on YOU. THANK YOU!

God is GOOD! ♥