IfYouGiveAMindensenABlog

I am currently sitting in my school's library, midway through my last week of classes for this semester (my first semester at this school). It has certainly had its ups and downs, but I'm pleased to say there are a few things that I'm really actually starting to get excited about.

As a business major there is a lot of talk about 'planning', 'organizing', 'setting goals'. Unfortunately, I tend to feel very inept at setting 'SMART' (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound) goals for myself. Continually, I tend to be more of a ‘goal-oriented’ person… starting to see my general dilemma? So, this semester has been kind of trying because, besides the goal of GRADUATING with some degree (currently Business), I didn’t really have any other focus or motivation for school. However, the other day when talking to my counselor… (Yes, I have one…I HIGHLY recommended it! They provide a great NEUTRAL prospective to life that I find to be extremely beneficial in this rather chaotic time of life)… I ended up on this tangent about a dream I’ve been holding onto for the last few years. Never any real major developments, but I’ve mentioned it from time to time, but this time it seemed to really come to life in that office. I started to get really excited about it. Though, it is very much still just a dream at this point, it’s kind of also become a bit of vision; Something to pray about, and potentially start putting some serious effort into, and more importantly, a ‘tangible’ goal for my current academic pursuit. Instead of just seeing school as a means to just a degree… it’s now a potential means to my DREAM! Like I stated earlier, I only have a few more class periods to go, but I already see a change in how I approach my major-related classes (and in a sense some of my Gen.Eds too). Not that I wasn’t participating before, but I now see them as opportunities to helping my dream take shape.
+1 for school!

Secondly, due to my current lack of employment (as mentioned in a previous blog), I’ve had time to get more involved in ‘extra-curricular activities’ here at school. Last week I was able to go through my Theater (and general art department) orientation, and I am now able to run sound for theater productions. I was given my orientation specifically so I could run sound for a group that was going to be renting my school’s theater for the week. It was my first time running sound for a theater production, and it ended up being lots of fun. This week I am again assisting with another production, expect this one is actually put on by my school’s theater group. I really do enjoy running sound, and it feels good to be back behind a board on a regular basis. Also, it's a digital board which is something I’ve had little opportunity to work with. I currently haven’t had the opportunity (or need!) to benefit from its ‘digital capabilities’, but it’s still something new to learn and experience in an area that I GREATLY enjoy.
+1 again for school!

Continuing on with exciting things, I’ve also been asked to consider applying for a more major role in an on campus group I’m currently involved in, which has the possibility of being both challenging and greatly rewarding. I will more than likely apply, but regardless, I am excited about where the group is heading in general. It will be fun to be a part of it in whatever role I end up being in.
A 3rd + for school!

To conclude on more focused spiritual note: I am VERY thankful to God for changing my attitude, as I’ve really struggled with that this semester; it’s nice to be finding some real joy in school. He’s taught me alot this semester.(James 1:2-4) Also, as I try to pray-fully move forward with my dream, it’s important to remember who ultimately is in control. As I was telling my boyfriend about my exciting new brainstorm (as he is directly connected to the idea), the verse Psalm 127:1 came up. “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain”. I can run myself ragged trying to make my ‘dreams come true”, but if it’s not GOD’s project first and foremost, I will never truly succeed, and my efforts will be in vain. Therefore, it’s very important that I include HIM in every step of the process. If it’s not His way, if it’s not what He desires, than I shouldn’t do it. On the encouraging side, one of my favorite verses (as many of you already know) is Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us”, which reminds us that God’s ways are SO beyond ours, and specifically beyond our IMAGINATION…our dreams! God wants to take our dreams and EXPLODE them into something we could never have thought of for ourselves. Isn’t that AWESOME?! I think so… and I’m excited to see what God does. I already REALLY like my idea, so I know God’s way will definitely be ‘crazy AWESOME’ (to borrow the colloquialism)!
+INFINITY for God!

God is GOOD!♥

I can NOT believe it's already Christmas! The last month and a half since my last 'newsletter' update has been a time of change and hurt, but at the same time great joy.

As I mentioned in my last newsletter, there have been some changes to the Outfitter program, but as much as I wish they could have come through a different set of circumstances, I have to admit that I really like how things are right now.

I finished teaching book TWO of the NAV 2.7 series that we're going through on Tuesdays and I'm going to be preparing to teach book 3. It's been a learning experience to say the least, and I didn't even really teach most of the days. I think I ended up only doing 2 or 3 lessons by myself. Therefore, the coming book should be an even greater stretch, but I'm excited. I'll be making some suggested changes, but I've really enjoyed our Tuesday classes together.
Another new aspect to the program is grocery shopping. We are all given $50 gift cards to Meijer each month, and we have to eat almost all our meals at home now. At first, I was a little nervous (I wasn't too big of a fan of cooking previously), but I'm having fun experimenting. It's been especially helpful because of my gluten sensitivity. It was getting hard for me to find food at camp that I could eat on a regular basis. So, having more control of my food supply is nice :)

Also, last month (for those of you who don't know already), Jeremy and I did break-up. It was an agreed upon thing, and God has continued to reassure me of his goodness through the whole thing. I can't say it's been easy, but as far as break-ups go it is fairly un-messy, and I'm thankful for God's continued guidance. I KNOW he was the one who led us into the relationship, and I still trust him to be guiding us as we have now stopped being in a relationship together. I thank God for all he has taught me through the whole thing (Pre, during, and Post). God is SO FAITHFUL...and VERY Good!!!

I have also started applying to schools for next fall. Prayer for guidance for that is GREATLY appreciated. I know I want to study some aspect of business, but what specifically I have not decided. I'm looking at a few places, but deadlines are coming up quick. I'm starting to feel the pressure. On top of that, I'm working on planning my 2nd summer of the program. I'm not supposed to spend it at camp, and options are pretty much limitless...pray, pray, pray!

As crazy as it all seems, in an odd way, the last few weeks have been some of the best weeks of my recent years. I have felt more at peace with myself and God...more generally happy than I have in a long time...my mom would say it has to do with my now more gluten-free system, which is probably true, but there really is something to be said for thankfulness, peace, and joy that comes only from really resting in the loving arms of our Savior JESUS Christ, whose birthday we are celebrating today.

Thank you Jesus for coming to earth to save me...Thank you for loving me enough to die for me...thank you for being there for me...thank you for making the way for me to be in a relationship with God, and for giving me a chance at an abundant life if I choose to follow you!

God is GOOD! ♥

“I have come that they may have life and have it to the full” (John 10:10b) Jesus is saying that through HIM there is life to be lived; a life that is FULL and good. In Jeremiah 29:11 God promises to have a plan for OUR lives; one that is not harmful but prosperous and hopeful. But how do we get this FULL life?

Well, first off, you HAVE to have Jesus. Jesus is the one who is speaking in John 10, but also later in John he says, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”(J14.6) Jesus is saying He is the ONLY way to life, there is NO OTHER option. However, once you have accepted Jesus as Lord that is NOT the end. Christianity isn’t a just another ‘religion’ it is a LIFESTYLE. In Matthew, Jesus says, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” (M16:24) However, this also, in and of itself, is not the key to having a FULL life. If one just focused on ‘living’ the ‘good Christian life’, they could easily become legalistic, and lose out on the JOY of living in the FREEDOM that comes from living with God. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is FREEDOM” (2 Corinthians 3:17). That’s where I’m at…kind of.

I know I’m not perfect…in fact I lived in almost perpetual regret and fear of people finding out the faults I KNOW I have. So, I tried to set boundaries, make standards, live ‘inside the lines’ so to speak, in order to insure as few mistakes, failures, and embarrassments as possible. However, living that way, keeps me from really being able to live. A part of life is taking those RISKS, making MISTAKES, that’s how we learn and discover new things. God didn’t save us in order for us to live in a box for the rest of our ‘redeemed’ life. He came to FREE us, and give us an ABUNDANT life.

Also, as I’ve been thinking about it, I realized that my placing myself ‘in a box’ is actually rather arrogant of me, and ultimately shows a lack of trust in God, and His ability to guide and protect me. By limiting myself to some basic “dos and don’ts”, I miss out on the variety of opportunities God wants to open up to me. As I was telling someone the other day, life isn’t all Black and White. Good things don’t all come in singular packages. Some of you have already heard my ‘Garden of Eden’ Theory: Some things God specifically labels as bad, but God generally gives us choices and simply takes pleasure in us making good choices. For the most part, I have been working off that theory…for ‘bigger’ decisions. However, for the day-to-day living, I have not. I’ve been living like God is some big overlord just waiting for me to screw-up so He can punish me. Often times I feel ‘trapped’ into obedience and completely drained of energy and enthusiasm, facing two dismal options: displeasing God or misery. Well, I was miserable, but I was determined to be a ‘good little soldier’. So I’d put my smile on, and did what I thought needed to be done. Needless to say, that’s not the abundant life Jesus was talking about, and despite what I thought, my misery wasn’t really glorifying to God either. “…the Fruit of Spirit is…JOY” (Galatians5:22a). Going back to John, Jesus says in Chapter 15 “This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples” (J15:8). Yes, He does also say a chapter earlier “if you love me, you will obey what I command” (J14:15), but Jesus isn’t looking for mindless following, He’s looking for people who LOVE; love God, love others, and LOVE THEMSELVES. Yes, there is the famous passage about the Greatest Commandment (Matthew 22:37-40), and the multiple passages about putting others first (“The first shall be last” Matthew 19:30) and dying to self (ex: Galatians 2:20). However, I think we as Christians lose sight of the fact that our ‘joy’ isn’t all about heaven. Yes, our hope is in what Jesus did for us and there being a perfect place to go when we die, but that’s not all there is…if so, KILL ME NOW!

Fortunately, that’s not how it’s supposed to be, I agree with the Psalmist when he says, “I am still confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (P27:13). Yes, the world is corrupted, and has been since The Fall back in Genesis chapter 3. However, in the two preceding chapters, readers will find a whole description of the way life was supposed to be, and in a sense, can still be WITH CHRIST. When Christ comes into a person’s life, He doesn’t ‘just’ save them, He makes them NEW. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW creation. The old has gone, the NEW has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). We’re made NEW, and no longer have to live under the bondage of the law. For centuries the Jewish nation lived under a strict set of laws, and rules that are all found in the Old Testament. When Jesus came, He fulfilled the law, paid the penalty, and opened the door to us being able to live FREE; free from the power of sin, death, and the devil. Call me a radical, but free to follow our hearts because they’re no longer deceitful and wicked, free to dream bigger than we EVER thought possible and then STILL have God blow our minds because He is able to “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine”(Ephesians 3:20)…which is one of my FAVORITE verses by the way. We have a God for whom “nothing is impossible” (Luke 1:37), who’s fruits are “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”(Galatians 5:22-23), who made the universe and everything in it (Genesis 1&2). Why live a life that doesn’t reflect God’s great and AWESOMENESS (Nehemiah 4:14a.5ish ) ? We don’t need rules, we need JESUS!

To close, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil, is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (2Peter 5:8), and the devil likes to play us into the extremes; in this case: legalistic versus recklessness. Don’t let “freedom” be your excuse for doing something foolish, but don’t let legalism stop you from doing something GREAT! Ecclesiastes states, “The man who fears God will avoid all extremes” (E7:18b), so relax, trust God, and if you have any doubts ASK. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God which transcends ALL understand will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4: 6&7). I want to be a woman of PEACE, and who’s filled with JOY. I’d like my epitaph to read, ‘A woman filled with the Holy Spirit, and whose life was characterized by Its FRUIT’. What do you want yours to say? Does your life now reflect it?


God is GOOD! ♥

This past Wednesday, I was able to refocus on God, and like the popular Christian song says 'and all of a sudden, I (was) unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realized just how beautiful You are, and how GREAT Your affections are for ME"!

These are the words God gave me that night...the 2nd one was started at an early time, but God let me finish it (and REDEEMED it!) =D YEAH God!

***

Who am I without You?
Who am I without Your love?
Who am I without You near me,
without your great plan?
Who am I but Your creation;
clay inside the Master's hands?
Who am I, but how You made me?
Who am I, but who I am?

***

It's hard to pray
when I'm trying to convince myself that everything's OK

Once I stop pretending,
then God can start His mending.

Once I stop focusing on the need,
then God can start to lead.

Once I start to trust in God's plan,
then I'll be able to rest in His hands.

Once I start counting the blessings I've received,
then true joy can be conceived.

When I stop resisting,
then you become my everything.

when I think about what Jesus has done,
that's when I remember how much I AM LOVED!

***

Another month has flown by, and the winner for the most used phrase this month; 'God is working on it'.

Speaking honestly here, April has been one of the hardest months for me. I've probably cried more in the last 2 weeks, than all of last year. Also, these weren't just tears, this was full-out crying to God in pain, seeking His guidance, asking for forgiveness, begging to see His presence in my life. I have a really hard time expressing myself, and what I express generally doesn't accurately reflect what is going on inside me. What I've learned is that I also tend to do that with God, which is bad because He is the ONE who already knows EVERYTHING (more than I do!). This past month, I had what I would consider to be my first REAL lesson on what it means to cast all of my cares on the Lord (Psalms55:22/1Peter5:7)

'Rees Howells INTERCESSOR' was April's book for the month. It's a challenging biography of a man who lived a life of faith in total dependence on God, who had an understanding of what it meant to daily pick up his cross and follow Jesus. It challenges me to seek to have that kind of relationship with God, and to strive to surrender more and more of my life to God's will. The hardest moments/my biggest struggles are ALWAYS harder when I'm trying to control my life. I ask God 'why?', when all I need to do is remember WHO HE IS! Life isn't working out how I WANTED it to turn out...it's OK, because GOD is the one in control, and HIS way is the BEST way!

A verse God gave me this past month was Psalms 55:12 "Restore to me the JOY of your SALVATION and grant me a WILLING spirit to SUSTAIN me"

No matter what happens God is still on HIS THRONE!
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our SAVIOR, who daily bears OUR burdens" (Psalms 68:19)

God is GOOD! ♥