IfYouGiveAMindensenABlog

So, I was planning on writing this ON my birthday, but that just didn't happen. Well, now that it's been 5 days, I've really been able to 'soak-in' the fact that I am indeed TWENTY-ONE years old! Yes, I can now buy guns, alcohol, go to a Casino, apply for my concealed weapons license (at least in Michigan I could)... However, really and truly what another birthday means is a whole other year coming and going. Yes, 'New Years' happens in January, but for me the new year starts in June. Man, oh man, what a year it's been too.

I was diagnosed Gluten Sensitive just before my last birthday. My older brother got engaged. I was AV Director for Bair Lake Bible Camp in the summer. I started dating my first boyfriend. Went to Detroit for the first time. Had my program kind of sort of split. My 'home' church go through another MAJOR transition after which it changed name in order to become a 'new' church again. Thought my first 'Bible Class'. Went to NYC, and actually got to walk around Time Square and go up in the Empire State Building. I went through my first break-up. Got back on Facebook. I made a REAL gingerbread house. My mom and sister were diagnosed Gluten Sensitive. I was placed on an ACTUAL phone plan. Was accepted to TWO colleges. Signed up for classes. Searched for, found, changed plans, and found another summer job. Cultivated a deeper relationship with God and the people around me. Started the 'launching' process from my Discipleship program. Went camping (HAHA **winky face** for those who get it...) Turned 21! ...Read LOTS of books. Made lots of memories. Learned lots of lessons. Got angry, became sad. Took pictures. Laughed, cried. Loved...LIVED! (still loving...still living) =D

This is the day the Lord has made; Let us REJOICE and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 NIV (emphasis MINE) :)

God is GOOD!♥

So, I often find myself needing to re-read some of my own blogs. It's amazing how quickly I forget some of the lessons God has taught me. In this case, I re-read my blog "What is Love". WOW! What a great reminder of my TOTAL INABILITY to LOVE withOUT God.

1 John 4:19 has kind of been back on my mind again. I can ONLY love because God first loved ME. Recently I've been finding that a little hard to accept, which explains why I've been having a little trouble with handling my relationships...on multiple levels. It's amazing how when your relationship with God isn't where it's supposed to be, the rest of your relationships quickly follow suit. Before you know it, your unhealthily depending on other relationships, trying to find that comfort and guidance outside of God...see how things could start to spiral quickly? My relationship with God needs to be healthy and growing in order for ALL other relationships to be healthy. This month has been tough, and I've really been struggling through some things. However, I'm VERY thankful for the people around me who have loved me enough to call me out, to challenge me about the health of my relationship with God. It's really made me think, and it has been a struggle. God and I aren't 'great', and it's going to be a process (which the process never really ends till I'm in heaven). However, I feel closer and more connected to God then I have felt in awhile. I've made some mistakes, and I have some talks I need to have with some people, but my prayer is that because of this time of struggle, my relationships with others will only get stronger. God loves ME, I'm called to love Him back...which empowers me to love others.

God is GOOD! ♥

Ecclesiastes 7:18 say, "It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid ALL extremes." Luke 11:11-12 says, "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"

Now I know to some those two passages don't really go together, but to me right now they mean EVERYTHING. Please bear with me right now because I'm only just starting to get used to writing exactly what I'm thinking, which is generally pretty random, so here I go.

For some reason I struggle with letting myself be happy. If I'm happy I tend to think I'm doing something spiritually wrong, which is a COMPLETE misrepresentation of who God is...which is GOOD! Did you know that? God is GOOD! Sometimes I struggle with believing that, but time and time again God proves that He really is GOOD. That is why I try to end ALL of my blogs with "God is GOOD!♥" because it is something very important to remember. So, back to the passages...as those of you who have kept up with my blog/my life in general know, I recently started down the path of 'non-singleness', and well...it's been GREAT! God has really used the relationship in general to teach me LOTS of things (including this current topic), and has definitely been using my boyfriend to challenge, grow, and strengthen my faith in HIM. However, I started to feel like maybe I was holding on to my boyfriend too tight. I've had kind of a lot of people walk out of my life recently, and have had to say some pretty tough Goodbyes, but one Goodbye I don't think I could do would be saying goodbye to my boyfriend. Then I started to worry...which was my first problem, now that I'm looking back, that maybe since I couldn't POSSIBLY right now imagine giving up my relationship with Jeremy, that meant that I was holding onto him TOO TIGHTLY and needed to break-up with him in order to have a healthy relationship with God. Now here's where the Ecclesiastes verse comes in...I probably really have been holding too tightly to my relationship with Jeremy, but that does NOT mean I'm supposed to just let it go all together...that's just jumping to another extreme. Just because I enjoy a GOOD gift (one that I...my parents, and many others have been praying about in general for, for years) to a little bit of an extreme, doesn't mean I need to go to the other extreme and feel like I need to give it back...'sorry God, what you gave me was just too good and I'm enjoying it too much, so I need to give it back..." That doesn't make any sense. Now YES, I do need to place my relationship in God's hands, and let it be under his control, but my fear of losing people...which makes me hold on to people tightly...which makes it harder for me to let go of people...shouldn't be and isn't a good reason for throwing away a GOOD, ENCOURAGING, God-led relationship. Yes, if my boyfriend becomes an idol, and I start to place him in the way of my relationship with God, I need to ask God to help me switch that back around...dropping the relationship isn't the answer...Placing God back where He belongs in my life IS...

So God, I recognize You as Lord of my life, I thank You for being a giver of GOOD gifts, and even though at times I try to make myself believe that I don't deserve good gifts, You just keep reminding me that...no I don't deserve anything...that's why it's a GIFT :) So, I thank you for Jeremy, and just ask for continued guidance...You ARE GOOD! ♥

God is GOOD! ♥

Yep...it is now a new month. Time for me to talk about the events of May. Well, it's been kind of crazy (as slightly anticipated, probably a little more than originally expected, but...) First off, Camp's Men's Retreat was the last day in April-the first weekend in May. I did AV. It was definitely a learning experience AV-wise, but it was also really cool to witness such a powerful weekend, where I really believe Men's lives were changed. The next weekend, My brother graduated, and I got to go home for that, and I got to spend time with my mother(as it was conveniently Mothers' Day weekend as well!) . It was AWESOME. The next weekend I co-hosted, and then left with my fellow Outfitters and other Bair Lake staff (including all of our mentors) for a road-trip to the Creation Museum. It was a lot of fun. We stayed at a local Christian camp Sunday night (in tepees!), and then spent all of Monday at the Museum. It was really cool to walk through a museum that didn't date things to MILLIONS of years, and to hear(and see) the Gospel message preached at the end! Plus I touched a llama =D THREE llamas actually ^^ Anyways, continuing on, at the end of that week, I had two friends come in Thursday-Saturday to help me organize camp's AV (Audio-Visual) department. I'm SO grateful to both of them for all of their help. I could not have done what we did without them. Side-note: For the summer, my job is going to be AV Director, which has caused it's own stresses and lessons. All-in-all, I know it's going to be a GREAT summer. Lastly, this past weekend (Memorial Day weekend) I was able to go home again (and bring one of my fellow Outfitters with me) in order to go camping. For the last 3 years, my family has been going to Shades Park (near Turkey Run in IN) to camp with 3 other families that we don't get to see very much outside of Memorial weekend. It was a lot of fun. There is usually VERY little organization of activities and it's mostly one BIG chill weekend, with a bunch of God-fearing, fun-loving people. It's DEFINITELY one of the highlights of my YEAR!

So today is also my birthday. Yes, I'm 20 today. I have now been alive for 2 decades. With time, the months seem to get shorter and shorter, and May was no different. Today, as I reflect back on May, as I reflect back to my 19th birthday, as I reflect back through the last 2 decades, one thing stands out; clear evidence of God working in my life.

If you have been following my blog, you know that the last few months have not been 'easy', but neither has some other parts of my life, but that's life. We live in an imperfect world, with imperfect people. I'M NOT PERFECT. I'm going to make mistakes, so are the people around me. The only 'person' I can really trust to NEVER fail me is God. That's what I've been learning. That's really what God has been saying all these years.
Life is going to have it's trials and hardships, but in those times are we relying on ourselves, the people around us, or are we relying on the All-powerful, All-knowing, Ever-present God, who created ALL THINGS?

I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalms 16:8

The theme for May was humility, and God certainly started lessons on day one. In many different areas of my life, God has been showing me that I FIRST need to humble myself to HIM, and place whatever the thing is at HIS feet first, and trust HIM with it, but then to also humble myself to the people around me, and to trust what GOD is doing in their lives, and what HE is teaching them. My first priority is to listen to and follow what God is specifically directing me to do, the 2nd is to listen and follow the people who God puts over me.
May has been a month of laughter, a month of tears, a time of trials, a time of learning, a time of growth, a time of change and tradition, transitions, busyness, relaxation, RANDOMNESS! But what month hasn't? What month doesn't go by without a variety of emotions being felt, and random things experienced, obstacles faced, and lessons learned?
In the end, as I look back on life it ALL comes back to Ecclesiastes. "There is a time for everything..."(E3:1), but are you going to stop at "Everything is meaningless" (E1:2) or will you recognize that with GOD ALL things have meaning (Colossians 1:15-20)?

God is GOOD! ♥