Love keeps no record of wrongs-changing a mindset
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Sunday, November 14, 2010Do you ever catch yourself in a negative mood; Being the 'Debbie-downer', reliving/feeling past hurts and disappointments? Well, I certainly have, and it's not good.
The other week I was confronted about my tendency to complain, I hadn't 'really' noticed, but once it was brought to my attention, I realized just how bad it had gotten. I would get so focused on the negative things going on, and how they were affecting me that I had started to develop a spirit of complaining. I had ceased focusing on the good. Than as I was thinking through that, I was also challenged on my lack of trust in God, and people in general. So, clearly I needed a change.
I don't want to be a woman characterized by complaining and doubt. I want to be a woman whose peace of mind and joy points to the only true source for both; God. However, since my relationship with Him wasn't very good, due to my lack of trust, I wasn't even close to that goal. Which is where He took over. I knew I needed a change, and wanted to change, but couldn't do it on my own.
That's when He reminded me of my verse from this past summer; Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I wanted that PEACE, but to get it I needed to be giving everything up to God...which I admittedly have been doing, but the part that I've been missing was the thanksgiving. I had stopped being truly thankful. I mean, I'd say thank you for different things, and would be at the time, but over-all when examined my life has been deeply rooted in ungratefulness and questioning.
One of the first things God has opened my eyes to is my tendency to share and reminisce about tough times in my life. Those are the stories I ALWAYS tell people, those are things people generally hear about me first, the positive things only come out every once in awhile over a long span of time. Why do I do that? It was like who I am, was defined by the tough things I had 'endured'. It has caused me to really struggle with being self-righteous and judgmental. I catch myself thinking like the Pharisee in Luke 18 "God I thank you that I am not like other men...” yet in the same breathe envying them like the older brother in the parable of the Lost Son, being ungrateful for all that God has been doing; failing to see the gift in a life of doing 'the right thing' protected from some of the trials others around me have had to face. I've struggled with being angry and discontented before, but it's like God had decided it's time that I really faced the facts and started making some serious heart adjustments.
He showed me that the main reason why I have trouble trusting Him is because I'm still questioning HIM about WHY He let things in my past happen. The main reason I question is because I don't think it's fair, which causes me to question His goodness, which is why I worry, which leads to my distrust in Him. It's a terrible cycle. One that I'm realizing I've been caught in for a while; which leads me to the title of this post.
1 Corinthians 13:5b says, "(love) keeps no record of wrongs". Well, I've been keeping a record of 'wrongs' towards God. Many of the situations have since ceased to really matter in and of them-selves, but the questioning has left its mark on the list 'I shouldn't trust God b/c...' The whole 'God is in control' thing, instead of being a statement of comfort has slowly grown to be the number one reason for 'blaming' God for the tough things. Which causes a problem; I can't say I LOVE God if every time something happens, I'm questioning His character, and pulling out past 'records' to 'justify' my doubt. Thankfully God has started to help me change that mindset.
Thankfulness is the key. Instead of focusing on the all the negative things I don’t understand, I need to start focusing on the positive things that have happened and ARE happening in my life. I don’t want to remember the different stages of my life as defined by the tough things I went through, but by all the things God did for me and through me. This weekend, I started going through the ‘different stages’ of my life, and doing just that. Instead of remembering the tough things, I started listing all that I was thankful for that related to that stage of my life. It was GREAT, and in a sense freeing. Places or situations that used to make me upset or brought pain to think about, I was now able to see the positive things that were going on at the same time. Instead of hurt, I found joy. It was actually kind of fun; remembering some good places, good friends, and good memories. Listing the things has also allowed me to see, in a literal and figurative sense, how God really has been protecting, caring, and blessing me TREMENDOUSLY throughout my life. I really am blessed, and am grateful to God. He has opened my eyes to some core issues. He brought healing to parts of my life that I hadn’t even realized needed to be healed but were slowly starting to suck the life out of me. He really can turn tears to laughter and mourning to dancing.
God is GOOD!♥
