IfYouGiveAMindensenABlog

I can NOT believe it's already Christmas! The last month and a half since my last 'newsletter' update has been a time of change and hurt, but at the same time great joy.

As I mentioned in my last newsletter, there have been some changes to the Outfitter program, but as much as I wish they could have come through a different set of circumstances, I have to admit that I really like how things are right now.

I finished teaching book TWO of the NAV 2.7 series that we're going through on Tuesdays and I'm going to be preparing to teach book 3. It's been a learning experience to say the least, and I didn't even really teach most of the days. I think I ended up only doing 2 or 3 lessons by myself. Therefore, the coming book should be an even greater stretch, but I'm excited. I'll be making some suggested changes, but I've really enjoyed our Tuesday classes together.
Another new aspect to the program is grocery shopping. We are all given $50 gift cards to Meijer each month, and we have to eat almost all our meals at home now. At first, I was a little nervous (I wasn't too big of a fan of cooking previously), but I'm having fun experimenting. It's been especially helpful because of my gluten sensitivity. It was getting hard for me to find food at camp that I could eat on a regular basis. So, having more control of my food supply is nice :)

Also, last month (for those of you who don't know already), Jeremy and I did break-up. It was an agreed upon thing, and God has continued to reassure me of his goodness through the whole thing. I can't say it's been easy, but as far as break-ups go it is fairly un-messy, and I'm thankful for God's continued guidance. I KNOW he was the one who led us into the relationship, and I still trust him to be guiding us as we have now stopped being in a relationship together. I thank God for all he has taught me through the whole thing (Pre, during, and Post). God is SO FAITHFUL...and VERY Good!!!

I have also started applying to schools for next fall. Prayer for guidance for that is GREATLY appreciated. I know I want to study some aspect of business, but what specifically I have not decided. I'm looking at a few places, but deadlines are coming up quick. I'm starting to feel the pressure. On top of that, I'm working on planning my 2nd summer of the program. I'm not supposed to spend it at camp, and options are pretty much limitless...pray, pray, pray!

As crazy as it all seems, in an odd way, the last few weeks have been some of the best weeks of my recent years. I have felt more at peace with myself and God...more generally happy than I have in a long time...my mom would say it has to do with my now more gluten-free system, which is probably true, but there really is something to be said for thankfulness, peace, and joy that comes only from really resting in the loving arms of our Savior JESUS Christ, whose birthday we are celebrating today.

Thank you Jesus for coming to earth to save me...Thank you for loving me enough to die for me...thank you for being there for me...thank you for making the way for me to be in a relationship with God, and for giving me a chance at an abundant life if I choose to follow you!

God is GOOD! ♥

Do you ever catch yourself in a negative mood; Being the 'Debbie-downer', reliving/feeling past hurts and disappointments? Well, I certainly have, and it's not good.

The other week I was confronted about my tendency to complain, I hadn't 'really' noticed, but once it was brought to my attention, I realized just how bad it had gotten. I would get so focused on the negative things going on, and how they were affecting me that I had started to develop a spirit of complaining. I had ceased focusing on the good. Than as I was thinking through that, I was also challenged on my lack of trust in God, and people in general. So, clearly I needed a change.

I don't want to be a woman characterized by complaining and doubt. I want to be a woman whose peace of mind and joy points to the only true source for both; God. However, since my relationship with Him wasn't very good, due to my lack of trust, I wasn't even close to that goal. Which is where He took over. I knew I needed a change, and wanted to change, but couldn't do it on my own.

That's when He reminded me of my verse from this past summer; Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I wanted that PEACE, but to get it I needed to be giving everything up to God...which I admittedly have been doing, but the part that I've been missing was the thanksgiving. I had stopped being truly thankful. I mean, I'd say thank you for different things, and would be at the time, but over-all when examined my life has been deeply rooted in ungratefulness and questioning.

One of the first things God has opened my eyes to is my tendency to share and reminisce about tough times in my life. Those are the stories I ALWAYS tell people, those are things people generally hear about me first, the positive things only come out every once in awhile over a long span of time. Why do I do that? It was like who I am, was defined by the tough things I had 'endured'. It has caused me to really struggle with being self-righteous and judgmental. I catch myself thinking like the Pharisee in Luke 18 "God I thank you that I am not like other men...” yet in the same breathe envying them like the older brother in the parable of the Lost Son, being ungrateful for all that God has been doing; failing to see the gift in a life of doing 'the right thing' protected from some of the trials others around me have had to face. I've struggled with being angry and discontented before, but it's like God had decided it's time that I really faced the facts and started making some serious heart adjustments.

He showed me that the main reason why I have trouble trusting Him is because I'm still questioning HIM about WHY He let things in my past happen. The main reason I question is because I don't think it's fair, which causes me to question His goodness, which is why I worry, which leads to my distrust in Him. It's a terrible cycle. One that I'm realizing I've been caught in for a while; which leads me to the title of this post.

1 Corinthians 13:5b says, "(love) keeps no record of wrongs". Well, I've been keeping a record of 'wrongs' towards God. Many of the situations have since ceased to really matter in and of them-selves, but the questioning has left its mark on the list 'I shouldn't trust God b/c...' The whole 'God is in control' thing, instead of being a statement of comfort has slowly grown to be the number one reason for 'blaming' God for the tough things. Which causes a problem; I can't say I LOVE God if every time something happens, I'm questioning His character, and pulling out past 'records' to 'justify' my doubt. Thankfully God has started to help me change that mindset.

Thankfulness is the key. Instead of focusing on the all the negative things I don’t understand, I need to start focusing on the positive things that have happened and ARE happening in my life. I don’t want to remember the different stages of my life as defined by the tough things I went through, but by all the things God did for me and through me. This weekend, I started going through the ‘different stages’ of my life, and doing just that. Instead of remembering the tough things, I started listing all that I was thankful for that related to that stage of my life. It was GREAT, and in a sense freeing. Places or situations that used to make me upset or brought pain to think about, I was now able to see the positive things that were going on at the same time. Instead of hurt, I found joy. It was actually kind of fun; remembering some good places, good friends, and good memories. Listing the things has also allowed me to see, in a literal and figurative sense, how God really has been protecting, caring, and blessing me TREMENDOUSLY throughout my life. I really am blessed, and am grateful to God. He has opened my eyes to some core issues. He brought healing to parts of my life that I hadn’t even realized needed to be healed but were slowly starting to suck the life out of me. He really can turn tears to laughter and mourning to dancing.

God is GOOD!♥

Wow has there been a whirlwind of activity and just general chaos since my last 'official newsletter update'. So, please bear with me as I try to recap the last month.

Life at camp has dramatically changed. The original leaders of the program I am in left, along with two other permanent staff members, and the remaining members of my original group. I am the last person left from the group I started with in September of 2009. If you have been reading some of my other posts, I am now giving you the context for some of them. Needless to say, it's been a tough month, lots of changes. However, I still serve a GOOD and faithful God. There are 3 new people who joined the program this past September who are staying, and it has been GREAT getting to know them. Programmatically, the basics are still the same, the only real difference is the people responsible for the individual pieces. It's been a challenge, but it's all starting to come together. As we are now through the first week or so of November, things are already starting to settle back down, and I'm really excited about where the program is heading.

Also, another major event from last month worth mentioning, is that we, as Outfitters, went to New York City! Everyone went. It was kind of a last hoorah before people left at the end of the month. I admittedly was kind of weary to go, but the trip was GREAT. We had a great time road tripping across Northeastern USA in van, attended Sunday morning church and Tuesday prayer meeting at the Brooklyn Tabernacle, stayed at a YMCA, rode the subway, and just in general toured the great big city itself. I LOVED Central Park, and the services we attended at the BT were both inspiring and moving. The BT a little big for my taste, but the some of the people there are just inspirational. Oh, and even though the last time I was in NYC I didn't really enjoy it, this trip totally made up for it. I could even almost see myself living there...at least many for a little while. All in all, it ended up being a great trip, a great send off for those who were leaving, and a great kick-off for those of us continuing on ahead together.

I am SO thankful for the Outfitters program, and all that I've learned/experienced this last year, and I'm looking forward to another great year. More changes are ahead I'm sure, but that's not for me to worry about... :)

God is GOOD!