IfYouGiveAMindensenABlog

It's been a little over a week since my 22nd birthday, and FAR more weeks than that since my last blog. Since graduating from Outfitters over a year ago, I know that my blogs have become more and more spread apart, less consistent. Why is that? Is it b/c I don't have anything to share? Now that I'm back in "normalcy"? -living back at home with the fam, going to school, a summer NOT at camp, working a part time job... Does that really mean there aren't challenge's and life-lessons to learn and share? ...the answer is NO, but I ceased to pay attention... I got "caught-up", busy. Let my life roll for awhile. "Going through the motions" as the Matthew West puts it. I've tried to ignore it, and push the feeling of restlessness aside. I KNOW I'm thirsty, but I'm "content" with life as it is right, and that's a GOOD thing, right?! WRONG! The Bible has a word for those kinds of Christians "luke-warm" and in Revelations 3:16, Jesus spits them out of his mouths saying "You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, and poor..."

In truth, when I sat down to write this, I did not plan on going here... but it's a place I needed to be brought to I suppose. The last couple weeks at church there have been some REALLY convicting and challenging messages... messages I'm still mulling over, but at some point I NEED to act.

I'll admit it, I have GREAT ambition. It's partly a pride-thing; I want to BE someone, I want to REALLY make a difference with my life. Right now, I have a pretty decent job working in the business world. It's a GREAT opportunity to gain experience, and get my foot into the international market world. It's exciting, and can be fun... but sometimes (okay, a LOT of times) on my 1.5hr (on average) commute drive home, I think to myself, "Is this REALLY all there is for me in the future?" "Is this REALLY all I want in life? To be successful in business?" and on the surface my answer is "Yes, I could do this for the rest of my life", but then I take a minute (or SEVERAL b/c I have them sitting in traffic) and I realize I feel the emptiness in that pursuit...

I started reading Ecclesiastes again the other day, and if you know me, you know it's a book I come back to a lot. It's a book I feel like I really relate to. Here's Solomon, the wisest man to EVER live, and he wants to DO something with his time on earth. Because of his VAST resources he is able to 'dabble' in a variety of things, and he records them in Ecclesiastes (for those of us withOUT said VAST amounts of resources)in order to show the futile-ness of life, and really of ANYTHING we could set-out to do on this earth. "Meaningless, Meaningless," he says. Which at this point you are now all probably thinking... "how depressing, and you LIKE this book...", however there is HOPE. Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 (emphasis mine)... "A man can do NOTHING better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without HIM, who can eat or find enjoyment?" The KEY here is GOD. There are PLENTY of things we can find to do in order to pass the time in this life. However, only GOD can bring meaning to it. Without HIM there is nothing...

A verse that I keep coming back to recently is Psalm 127:1a "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain..." It doesn't matter how HARD I work, how much effort I put into something, if God isn't in my planning, it's meaningless. If it's not something I'd doing WITH and FOR HIM, it all is for naught. It doesn't matter what grades I get, the job I work, the how much money I make, how "spiritual" I am, how much I go to church, how much I donate, how many friends I have, what kinds of relationships I try to build... they are all pointless if I don't include GOD...

So, I'd like to end this on a "happy", "inspiring" note, but I can't... I feel like I'm wasting my life away, and I don't know how to change it... I'm not sure I want to... I LIKE my life the way it is... it's not perfect... but there aren't waves... :/ It's like I'm dying for an adventure on the sea, but am content to play on the beach where the waves can't get me... how sad is that?

Luckily, I have a God who can calm those seas! (Mark 4)... I definitely was NOT planning on getting to THAT verse...

God... I don't want to waste my life. I want to live a life that is holy and pleasing to You. God, You have a plan, and it's a GREAT one. Help me to seek YOU in ALL things, as You promise I will FIND You if I look with ALL my heart (Jeremiah 29:11-...) LORD, I love You, and I don't want to be "luke-warm", but I NEED Your help to change... God, I want to truly give my life to You, but You are going to have to help me lay it down. I can NOT let go on my own. I can already feel the resistance in me, and the complacency settling in... I WANT, to WANT to change... so here's my SOS. Save me God from myself, as only You can. Thank You Father for Your LOVE, and forgiveness... everyday I a realize more and more how MUCH I need them... and TOTALLY do NOT deserve them. Your GRACE is TRULY AMAZING! -Amen

So, there it is... that's what's been on my heart and mind... read, don't read, be challenged, don't be... but PLEASE pray for me... clearly I need it! ...and let me know if I can be praying for you...

God is GOOD! ♥

Kill me!
If that is the price
to have Truth shine in my life,
I will gladly pay it.

These words are essentially the attitude Socrates had in the face of his accusers; those countrymen who wished to see him dead because he had offended them with the truth.

Socrates, a "pagan", a classical Greek philosopher, is willing to DIE for what he believes to be the Truth, and to be HIS calling to the people around him. "You're not thinking straight, sir, if you think that a man who's any use at all should give any opposing weight to the risk of living or dying, instead of looking to this alone whenever he does anything; whether his actions are just or unjust, the deeds of a good or bad man" (The Apology of Socrates) Now, we as Christians know that is God who knows our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7), and that it's by the WORD that live (2 Timothy 3:16. However, are we willing to stand up for what WE KNOW AS TRUTH, and be willing TO DIE for it?!

Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (Luke 9:23-24)

What does this look like?

God is GOOD!♥

I am currently sitting in my school's library, midway through my last week of classes for this semester (my first semester at this school). It has certainly had its ups and downs, but I'm pleased to say there are a few things that I'm really actually starting to get excited about.

As a business major there is a lot of talk about 'planning', 'organizing', 'setting goals'. Unfortunately, I tend to feel very inept at setting 'SMART' (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound) goals for myself. Continually, I tend to be more of a ‘goal-oriented’ person… starting to see my general dilemma? So, this semester has been kind of trying because, besides the goal of GRADUATING with some degree (currently Business), I didn’t really have any other focus or motivation for school. However, the other day when talking to my counselor… (Yes, I have one…I HIGHLY recommended it! They provide a great NEUTRAL prospective to life that I find to be extremely beneficial in this rather chaotic time of life)… I ended up on this tangent about a dream I’ve been holding onto for the last few years. Never any real major developments, but I’ve mentioned it from time to time, but this time it seemed to really come to life in that office. I started to get really excited about it. Though, it is very much still just a dream at this point, it’s kind of also become a bit of vision; Something to pray about, and potentially start putting some serious effort into, and more importantly, a ‘tangible’ goal for my current academic pursuit. Instead of just seeing school as a means to just a degree… it’s now a potential means to my DREAM! Like I stated earlier, I only have a few more class periods to go, but I already see a change in how I approach my major-related classes (and in a sense some of my Gen.Eds too). Not that I wasn’t participating before, but I now see them as opportunities to helping my dream take shape.
+1 for school!

Secondly, due to my current lack of employment (as mentioned in a previous blog), I’ve had time to get more involved in ‘extra-curricular activities’ here at school. Last week I was able to go through my Theater (and general art department) orientation, and I am now able to run sound for theater productions. I was given my orientation specifically so I could run sound for a group that was going to be renting my school’s theater for the week. It was my first time running sound for a theater production, and it ended up being lots of fun. This week I am again assisting with another production, expect this one is actually put on by my school’s theater group. I really do enjoy running sound, and it feels good to be back behind a board on a regular basis. Also, it's a digital board which is something I’ve had little opportunity to work with. I currently haven’t had the opportunity (or need!) to benefit from its ‘digital capabilities’, but it’s still something new to learn and experience in an area that I GREATLY enjoy.
+1 again for school!

Continuing on with exciting things, I’ve also been asked to consider applying for a more major role in an on campus group I’m currently involved in, which has the possibility of being both challenging and greatly rewarding. I will more than likely apply, but regardless, I am excited about where the group is heading in general. It will be fun to be a part of it in whatever role I end up being in.
A 3rd + for school!

To conclude on more focused spiritual note: I am VERY thankful to God for changing my attitude, as I’ve really struggled with that this semester; it’s nice to be finding some real joy in school. He’s taught me alot this semester.(James 1:2-4) Also, as I try to pray-fully move forward with my dream, it’s important to remember who ultimately is in control. As I was telling my boyfriend about my exciting new brainstorm (as he is directly connected to the idea), the verse Psalm 127:1 came up. “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain”. I can run myself ragged trying to make my ‘dreams come true”, but if it’s not GOD’s project first and foremost, I will never truly succeed, and my efforts will be in vain. Therefore, it’s very important that I include HIM in every step of the process. If it’s not His way, if it’s not what He desires, than I shouldn’t do it. On the encouraging side, one of my favorite verses (as many of you already know) is Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us”, which reminds us that God’s ways are SO beyond ours, and specifically beyond our IMAGINATION…our dreams! God wants to take our dreams and EXPLODE them into something we could never have thought of for ourselves. Isn’t that AWESOME?! I think so… and I’m excited to see what God does. I already REALLY like my idea, so I know God’s way will definitely be ‘crazy AWESOME’ (to borrow the colloquialism)!
+INFINITY for God!

God is GOOD!♥

I've been doing a lot of driving lately, and would like to share some of the things I've 'learned' while driving...

So, you're cruising down the road when suddenly the car in front of you breaks. You're going as fast as legally possible, the lane next to you is open, for now, but it won't be open forever. You have two choices; stay where you are and just break along with the car in front, or quick change lanes and POTENTIALLY zip around/past. I don't know about the rest of you, but I seem to get a little anxious in these kinds of situations. I know it seems silly, but I'm very 'time efficient' minded. I don't like speeding, but I don't like being 'stuck' either. Now, in the last few months I have run into this situation COUNTLESS times, and I've realized something... Just because there are break lights in front and a seemingly open lane next to you, it doesn't mean that a lane change will ultimately be the best choice.

Sometimes, in life, we're have a similar choice to make.

Recently, I've been rather impatient, especially when it comes to school. I don't like being in school, and I just want to be done, get 'on with my life'. I recently seemed to be "seeing break lights" in front of me, in the lane known as Trinity. I didn't feel like Trinity was going to get me to my goal of graduation in the 'fastest' way possible, in fact, I thought it was going to be significantly slower. I saw the break lights, and started turning my head to check for a potential lane change. Well, time continued to tick (just like traffic continues to roll for the most part), and I ended up signing up for another semester while I looked into other options. Some options originally looked REALLY great, but as I found time to really ask some questions, I was fairly disappointed. Also, even though my grades have dropped 'slightly' these last few weeks, I have really started to feel a focus and connection again with Trinity. Needless to say, I'm not "changing lanes" anytime soon. I was in such a rush to 'discover my future", but recently I was reminded of a J.R.R. Tolkien quote "Do not spoil wonder with haste". God has SO much for me to experience and learn RIGHT now. He has PLENTY of good things for me now. I just need slow down long enough to realize it. Psalm 46:10 "Be STILL and know that I am God".

Driving tip: Self-enforcement of the speed limit allows for a less 'rushed' feel, which I have found to GREATLY help eliminate 'road-rage' and 'stop-light impatience'. :)

God is GOOD!♥

Hi Everybody!
I'm sorry I've been bad at keeping up. It's been pretty crazy being a full-time student, a "Part-time" employee, an average human being who needs sleep/basic other things, girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend, peer, involved student...Anywho, my real big time eaters are/were classes/hw and my job.
As of last Friday, I am no longer employed, but I have to say that it was a learning lesson. Also, for the most part it wasn't a bad job, gas is just too expensive. Well, between commuting to school, and my job, that required me to drive all over the south-eastern suburbs (and slightly into IN), I have spent a LOT of time driving.
So, I was thinking of just starting a whole 'new' blog for random things I've thought of/learned from my driving experiences, but lets be serious, I have a hard enough time keeping this one up :) I plan to just write individual blogs and have a specific "Life Lessons of a Commuter Student" label. I will hopefully post my first one after I finish this post.
School has been going well, but the for the last couple of weeks I've felt very unmotivated, and a little lost. God, however, has been very good to me (SURPRISE!. I am currently scheduled to remain at Trinity at least for another semester, but please continue to pray for guidance for me. Right now, it's kind of a day-to-day thing. There have been plenty of learning opportunities both in and outside of the classroom. Pray that I am a good witness for JESUS to my classmates (Yes, I go to Christian school, but I don't take it for granted that all my peers are Christians too). It's a struggle sometimes to not get angry and to be judgmental. My prayer as of late has been "God help me to be compassionate as You have shown compassion to me, and to love as You have loved me". I know it's not going to happen over night, but people won't be drawn to cruelty/loathing, but to love.
Last night (early this morning), I finished a paper for my Theology class on Genesis 22, and I hope to post it once I get it back, but the main point I got from my research was that God cares about our HEARTS. He wants to be the One whom our hearts are fixed upon, and whom we trust wholeheartedly .
Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite verse to quote, but often people stop there. It's unfortunate because I've come to find verse 13 to be the best part...
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart

I have a lot of questions about my future. I have hopes and I have dreams (fears too!), but I have a God who just wants to be in a relationship with me. He'll take care of the rest (Mat 6:33...I couldn't help referencing it), and it'll probably be better than I could ever imagine (Eph 3:20!). Truth is, I've been REALLY stressed out these last couple months. It hasn't been a constant thing, but it's certainly been 'hanging' over my head. I've started looking at the waves around me instead of focusing on my Savoir JESUS (Mat14:29-31). I've been trying to 'feel in control', and have just wound up feeling MORE lost, MORE confused, and just generally dissatisfied with life/demotivated. I wish I could say "I'm done" with all that, but I know it will still be a battle, but with Thanksgiving coming up in a few days, it's once again a GREAT reminder of God's GREAT provision in my life. It is much easier to feel better when my eyes are on God and what He's done, and NOT on myself. Because I have included all of my other typical verses, I can't finish this post without (yes, you guessed it) Philippians 4:6-7...
Dear God, you know my hopes and my dreams. You know what I'm going through, my current stresses, the little things that drag me down. I thank for the job opportunity and helping me through it. I thank you for how you've continued to provide for, and for the little 'gifts' you give me each day as a reminder of your presence. Help me Holy Spirit to continue to trust you with all my heart, and grant me a peace that surpasses all understanding. I'm sorry for how I've tried to take control, continue to pry my life from my hands. It's ours and I KNOW I will be much better off with YOU in control...Thank You for Your peace. -Amen

God is GOOD!♥

So, at long last, I'm going to finally sit down and try to put into writing the craziness, that has been defining my life the last couple of weeks... I can't believe it's only been about 4 weeks since my last post...

Anywho, prayer has certainly become a VERY necessary part of my life... My co-director and I pray every week night together for our campers, fellow staff members, and each other. With out prayers...aka without GOD, this summer would've been a big FLOP. As it is though, God has been doing some AMAZING things... He's provided words for BLTs (Bible Lesson Times), and has provided the right people to teach them (including me at times...which has been a growing experience in itself). He has gotten me through speakers I like, and speakers I'm not super comfortable with, but in the end, He has assured me of HIS sovereignty, and how each person is at camp for a reason... God can use all things for HIS glory and good! AMEN! He's given me words and strength when I had none. He's helped me talk to/pray through some difficult camper situations (home-sickness, anger, rebellion, SERIOUS spiritual warfare) God is FAITHFUL! He will NOT give us something we can't handle WITH HIM! We CAN do EVERYTHING through JESUS, and He IS there to walk us through the hard times.

This past week especially has been AMAZING! It was Sr.High week. Our last week of having actual campers (This coming week is a guest group, and then it's family camp). I LOVE High-Schoolers, and this past week was just an affirmation of the heart God has given me for that age group. I had such a GREAT week getting to know, talking with, hang-out with, praying with, and growing with my campers... God just ROCKED the place. I can't take ANY credit. Both my partner and I went into the week sick and exhausted, but God worked through our weakness, and showed Himself to be GREAT! I really grew to love my campers, and prayed for them like I've never prayed for people before... God also gave me a heart for the lost as I've never felt before, and I pray that the memory of that anguish will stay with me as I continue to live out my life in this broken and dying world. The speaker not only challenged my campers, but he challenged me as well... It was amazing to really witness God speaking through a person in such an incredible way... We had at least 3 campers make decisions to accept Jesus as their Savoir, and more rededicate their lives to Him. I'm SO excited to see what God is going to do in their lives.

The speaker ended the week telling us to go read Psalm 62, and WOW! God knew what He was saying when he placed that passage on his heart... "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken..." I pray my campers really take that to heart, and really find their security in the ONLY thing that can truly protect and take care of them... GOD!

Praise God for ALL that you have been doing! May you continue to be glorified in our lives!

God is GOOD!♥

So, I was planning on writing this ON my birthday, but that just didn't happen. Well, now that it's been 5 days, I've really been able to 'soak-in' the fact that I am indeed TWENTY-ONE years old! Yes, I can now buy guns, alcohol, go to a Casino, apply for my concealed weapons license (at least in Michigan I could)... However, really and truly what another birthday means is a whole other year coming and going. Yes, 'New Years' happens in January, but for me the new year starts in June. Man, oh man, what a year it's been too.

I was diagnosed Gluten Sensitive just before my last birthday. My older brother got engaged. I was AV Director for Bair Lake Bible Camp in the summer. I started dating my first boyfriend. Went to Detroit for the first time. Had my program kind of sort of split. My 'home' church go through another MAJOR transition after which it changed name in order to become a 'new' church again. Thought my first 'Bible Class'. Went to NYC, and actually got to walk around Time Square and go up in the Empire State Building. I went through my first break-up. Got back on Facebook. I made a REAL gingerbread house. My mom and sister were diagnosed Gluten Sensitive. I was placed on an ACTUAL phone plan. Was accepted to TWO colleges. Signed up for classes. Searched for, found, changed plans, and found another summer job. Cultivated a deeper relationship with God and the people around me. Started the 'launching' process from my Discipleship program. Went camping (HAHA **winky face** for those who get it...) Turned 21! ...Read LOTS of books. Made lots of memories. Learned lots of lessons. Got angry, became sad. Took pictures. Laughed, cried. Loved...LIVED! (still loving...still living) =D

This is the day the Lord has made; Let us REJOICE and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 NIV (emphasis MINE) :)

God is GOOD!♥

After typing the very words of my title I speculated and then confirmed my own suspicions. In no way have I mentioned in my blogs about being Gluten Sensitive/Intolerant. I have somehow, in my summaries of lessons and events of the last year, 'overlooked' what is truly a MAJOR health issue that greatly effected and IS effecting my life. Hence the title...
It's time I STOPPED living in denial. I'm not 'sick', but I'm not healthy either. My gluten issue is genetic, and though not diagnosed till I was almost 20, it has probably been slowly damaging my body since birth. At the end of last May, I was put on a permanent, 100% gluten-free diet. However, my problems have not ended there. I have now, thankfully STOPPED harming my body, but I now have to face the reality of needing to repair the damage that has already been done. It's hard. I don't like admitting that I still struggle with being inexplicably depressed and emotional. Feeling like I'm fighting a wall of doubt, anxiety, fear, and sadness from crashing down on top of me, threatening to inhibit my ability to function 'normally'. Stress inducing situations quickly become overwhelming and unmanageable. My goal-oriented personality becomes discouraged which makes it easy for self-loathe to settle in. Apathy sets in as my body defensively turns to feeling 'nothing' as opposed to the tidal-wave of uncontrolled emotion.

So what now? Well, recognizing that I have a problem is definitely a good first step, but now it’s time to get serious about finding help. It’s going to take time, energy, and effort to find the answers behind my symptoms. I’m going to need patience, and make myself available as I give the treatments time to work. Ultimately, I need prayer for wisdom. I need God to direct me in how I need to go about taking care of the body He has entrusted to me. Thus far, I’ve been ignoring it, and placing my health on a ‘back-burner’. I can’t do that anymore. It’s too much. I need help.

If there is one good thing (though I suppose when I think about it there are several), about the whole situation it is this; we humans are truly "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139). The human body is SO complex and SO intricately designed. All of it is interconnected in ways that we are still just starting to discover. It’s a POWERFUL reminder of God’s greatness and wisdom. He is the Great Designer. He alone knows EVERYTHING about us, and how we function. We humans are just starting to make a dent…if that =D Praise God for His GREATNESS!

God is GOOD!♥

The Devil often pushes us back and forth, back and forth between two EXTREMES. We're convicted about one and rush to the other and back again. We make ourselves spiritually and emotionally 'motion-sick' with the ups and downs. Crushing ourselves with the belief that we've somehow FAILED, living in fear of never being able to do things 'right'. ...or maybe it's just me... Do I pray enough? Do I pray at the right time? Is God REALLY telling me to do something or is it just me trying to MAKE myself more spiritual? I tend to feel like I care too much...but what is too much? When is it wrong to hide my true feelings...is it ever right to hide my feelings? How do I find JOY in my 'times of trial', and not just faking a smile? How do I 'die to self' and yet not lose track of the fact that I am a 'master piece' and 'child of GOD'?

These are just some of the extremes I have been struggling to understand, and the Biblical truths that seem to bring a balance to them...

Pride...Self-HATE =Humility

Legalism...Reckless =Discipline (Colossians 2:16-23)

Fear...Foolishness =Faith

Judgmental...Overly passive =Grace

Overworking...Laziness =Sabbath (Exodus 20:8-11; Jeremiah 17:24-27)


...I know there are correlating verses for all of them, but I can't recall the references right now...if you've got one that goes I would LOVE to have it. Also if you have an 'extreme set' and it's TRUTH or maybe you are looking for the central TRUTH...feel free to share too...it's nice to not feel alone in struggles.

Ultimately, as I look at all the words right of the (=), all of them are qualities I want to possess and be, but I can't achieve them on my own. I'm not perfect which is the main reason why these things are so HARD to do. However, they are not impossible. With JESUS, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. "I can do everything through him who gives me strength"(Philippians 4:13).

God is GOOD!♥

Well, March has gone by again, and once again Butler is going to the finals...that is of course as far (once again) that basketball will enter into my blog...

March started with MI-CCCA (Christian Camping and Conference Association, Michigan sectional). It would take WAY too long to summarize all the things I learned over the 3 day conference. However, since I promised to talk about it during this month's newsletter, here's what I can give you. 'Pray FIRST, Pray NOW!'...what a concept! I'm still working on that one...'God will place you where He wants you' and...'God doesn't WASTE YOUR TIME'...

March's book of the month was 'Power of Prayer' by E.M.Bounds...I literally have a page tagged and labeled 'OUCH!'. No joke. This book was uber-convicting about the concept of prayer...are you catching the theme???...PRAY! PRAY! PRAY! You want to know what God's will is? PRAY...communicate with God. Which NOTE, also means LISTENING for God to respond. Normal conversation means there is a back and forth; like a game of catch! EVERYTHING comes back to the health of your relationship with God. If your relationship with God is healthy...the rest of your life will follow. If it's not, you are GOING TO HAVE PROBLEMS! "Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given you as well"(Matthew 6:33).

Life is moving along. I got accepted to Trinity Christian College, and after THREE years will be moving BACK home to IL for school in the fall. I'm excited to see what God does...

This summer is still rather up in the air. I'm kind of in the waiting stages...we'll see what God sends me to do. I pray for the strength and courage to go WHEREVER, to WHOEVER God sends me, and to do WHATEVER, WHENEVER I'm sent to do

God is GOOD!♥

February has flown by and March is rapidly moving along. Also, this will be my twelfth 'official newsletter' since I started blogging, marking one WHOLE year having gone by already. Looking back, SO much has happened that I'm glad I have this blog to semi keep track of it all.
Anywho, on with February. Like January, it was filled with guest groups, weekly almost full-camp cleanings, and winter retreats. My parents came to visit, and I saw many friends from the summer who returned to counsel or just help out with our winter retreats. There was great conversation, and ALWAYS lots of laughter. I know I'm glossing over everything, but honestly right down details kind of evade me.
I'm still in the process of looking for work this summer. I just sent in my first official application today. I still have to get my references in, but at least they have my app. A few other places have my resume. I don't know...continue to pray for me and the decisions I need to make regarding the future. I just got back from the Michigan sectional CCCA (Christian Camping and Conference Association) annual conference. I had some really good conversations, and learned a lot...I'll save those thoughts for another blog as I'm trying to keep this to a simple overview of FEBRUARY. (the conference was at the beginning of March!^^)
As Outfitters, we started doing Precepts (an inductive Bible study). We're doing the one on Covenant. Katie (my mentor) is teaching this year's study just like last year. I'm excited. It can get tedious at times, but having been through two other Precepts studies, I KNOW that in the end they're WELL WORTH the effort. Plus, it is exciting to learn all about God's promises, and ultimately about His FAITHFULNESS! What excellent timing... "'For I know the plans I have for you,'declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.'" And I KNOW He does...If I seek him and trust him (like the rest of the passage goes on to talk about...) He will protect and provide for me. He has my future in HIS capable hands!

God is GOOD!♥

Sorry to all of you who have been disappointed with my low number of blogs. The last few months have certainly been VERY busy. Not to say that God hasn't been teaching me things (which would be FALSE!), but I just haven't had the time to thoughtfully process and express them in type.

Have you ever REALLY stopped to think about your priorities? What do your actions say is important to you? Do they match God's? Am I living with a heavenly perspective or an earthly one? On whom is my focus?

In the small time before major transitions it's often hard to not worry, getting caught up in future plans and their potential consequences; good or bad. Often we forget that we have a God who PROMISES in Proverbs 3:5-6 he will make our paths straight, and in Jeremiah 29:11 he promises a prosperous future, filled with hope. There is something we have to do though...trust HIM, seek HIM with all our hearts. If we aren't focused on what really matters, we aren't going to be living a life that really matters. Only God can ultimately bring meaning into our lives, just go read Ecclesiastes (which I recommend doing anyways!).

I have been given much to think about because of my reading "The Treasure Principle" last month and now "The Pursuit of God" this month. To quote Paul, I want to run the race "to get the prize". So, I was reading in 1 Timothy 6 the other day, and one of the last paragraphs sums up most of the ideas I've been thinking about over the last few months..."Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with EVERYTHING for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in GOOD DEEDS, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is TRULY life." (1T6:17-19 emphasis is mine =D)

God is GOOD!

This morning I had the opportunity to attend church. However, due to some unforeseen car issues, I did not attend the church I typically go to when I have a free Sunday. I knew God had a reason for changing things up, and I was right. It was like the message today was written for me, and where I am RIGHT NOW. The church has been going through a series called 'Spiritual Targets for the Focused Christian Life', and this week was about how WE, as Christians ('truly born again believers') are to be COMMITTED TO SPIRITUAL GROWTH AND MATURITY.

The pastor talked about how we as humans are expected to grow beyond the 'baby-stage' in life, even though we're considered to be 'cute and cuddly'...in the same way, even though a new born CHRISTIAN can be exciting and fun, they too need (and are expected) to GROW beyond the 'baby-stage' of SPIRITUAL life. However, the process doesn't just END with getting out of the 'baby-stage'. There is ALWAYS another stage to reach...

When it comes to SPIRITUAL growth, our goal is to BE LIKE Christ, which is IMPOSSIBLE to achieve in this sinful world. NOBODY in our world WILL EVER be able to PERFECTLY imitate Christ. The purpose of the goal though is NOT to discourage, but rather, it points to God's holiness, and HIS intended purpose for us to be holy as well. Also, God KNOWS that perfection is humanly unachievable, and simply takes pleasure in our IMPROVEMENTS. It's our CONSTANT STRIVE TOWARD IMPROVEMENT that brings glory to God and is pleasing to him. God doesn't want us to grow stagnant in our faith, but wants us to grow ever closer to him. We, however, cannot do this on our own.In order to grow, we need God's help.

On our own we are powerless to change. The Good news is that God HAS provided ALL that we need 'for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness'(2Peter1:3)Did you catch the key? through our KNOWLEDGE of him The Christian life is NOT about a religion it's about a RELATIONSHIP with GOD. As we grow closer to God, we are able to better understand his will for our lives, and will become more willing to and ABLE to follow his leading. Our love for God makes us WANT to be more like HIM. If we don't LOVE him, we won't want to imitate him.

In order to grow closer to God we need to be getting into HIS WORD. Good communication is key to any healthy relationship, and God uses the Bible to speak to us. If we aren't regularly getting into his word, how do we expect to grow? Going back to the physical growth analogy, if we stopped eating food, we would stop growing, in fact we'd eventually die. In the same way, when it comes to spiritual growth, God's word is our food, and some of us are trying to live as 'spiritual anorexics'. We are SPIRITUALLY starving ourselves and then wondering why we are not spiritually growing. We need consistent spiritual nourishment, through a regular 'diet' of God's Word and pouring in of biblical truths into our hearts, in order to grow and mature in our faith.

The two ways the pastor talked about getting regular biblical nourishment are through daily personal reading/studying of the Bible, and through corporate Bible teaching. It is important to do BOTH. Sometimes, we excuse our not doing of one because we've done the other, but without both we only make it harder for ourselves to grow. "The Spiritual battles of our lives our fought on the battlefield of our thinking"...In Ephesians 4 it says that the lost 'walk in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them..." If we are not THINKING in a biblical way, we will not LIVE in a biblical way. In order to do that though successfully, according to Joshua 1:8 we need to 'mediate on it day AND night'. Continually, it's important to have CORPORATE biblical teaching because it's through our fellow believers that we are able to be 'sharpened', and by whom we are spurred "on toward love and good deeds' (Hebrews 10:24).

In the end though, it's important to remember that spiritual maturity doesn't happen over night. It's a regular walking with the Lord. A steady diet of His Word. A day-by-day, night-by-night, week-by-week, etc. of mediating and leaning on His TRUTH. It's a LIFE long process taken most often in the tiniest of steps; Baby steps.

God is GOOD! ♥

I can NOT believe it's already Christmas! The last month and a half since my last 'newsletter' update has been a time of change and hurt, but at the same time great joy.

As I mentioned in my last newsletter, there have been some changes to the Outfitter program, but as much as I wish they could have come through a different set of circumstances, I have to admit that I really like how things are right now.

I finished teaching book TWO of the NAV 2.7 series that we're going through on Tuesdays and I'm going to be preparing to teach book 3. It's been a learning experience to say the least, and I didn't even really teach most of the days. I think I ended up only doing 2 or 3 lessons by myself. Therefore, the coming book should be an even greater stretch, but I'm excited. I'll be making some suggested changes, but I've really enjoyed our Tuesday classes together.
Another new aspect to the program is grocery shopping. We are all given $50 gift cards to Meijer each month, and we have to eat almost all our meals at home now. At first, I was a little nervous (I wasn't too big of a fan of cooking previously), but I'm having fun experimenting. It's been especially helpful because of my gluten sensitivity. It was getting hard for me to find food at camp that I could eat on a regular basis. So, having more control of my food supply is nice :)

Also, last month (for those of you who don't know already), Jeremy and I did break-up. It was an agreed upon thing, and God has continued to reassure me of his goodness through the whole thing. I can't say it's been easy, but as far as break-ups go it is fairly un-messy, and I'm thankful for God's continued guidance. I KNOW he was the one who led us into the relationship, and I still trust him to be guiding us as we have now stopped being in a relationship together. I thank God for all he has taught me through the whole thing (Pre, during, and Post). God is SO FAITHFUL...and VERY Good!!!

I have also started applying to schools for next fall. Prayer for guidance for that is GREATLY appreciated. I know I want to study some aspect of business, but what specifically I have not decided. I'm looking at a few places, but deadlines are coming up quick. I'm starting to feel the pressure. On top of that, I'm working on planning my 2nd summer of the program. I'm not supposed to spend it at camp, and options are pretty much limitless...pray, pray, pray!

As crazy as it all seems, in an odd way, the last few weeks have been some of the best weeks of my recent years. I have felt more at peace with myself and God...more generally happy than I have in a long time...my mom would say it has to do with my now more gluten-free system, which is probably true, but there really is something to be said for thankfulness, peace, and joy that comes only from really resting in the loving arms of our Savior JESUS Christ, whose birthday we are celebrating today.

Thank you Jesus for coming to earth to save me...Thank you for loving me enough to die for me...thank you for being there for me...thank you for making the way for me to be in a relationship with God, and for giving me a chance at an abundant life if I choose to follow you!

God is GOOD! ♥

What was FAIR about the cross???
-I didn't get what I deserved!

As He died He spoke MY name
-He was THAT committed to being in a relationship with ME...

♪♫"What's love got to do with it?" ♫♪ ...EVERYTHING!

JESUS=a GIFT!

It's NOT about us!

I want God to bless ME, so...

"Do unto others..."
"Pray for your enemies..."
"Forgive and you will be forgiven..."

Do you ever catch yourself in a negative mood; Being the 'Debbie-downer', reliving/feeling past hurts and disappointments? Well, I certainly have, and it's not good.

The other week I was confronted about my tendency to complain, I hadn't 'really' noticed, but once it was brought to my attention, I realized just how bad it had gotten. I would get so focused on the negative things going on, and how they were affecting me that I had started to develop a spirit of complaining. I had ceased focusing on the good. Than as I was thinking through that, I was also challenged on my lack of trust in God, and people in general. So, clearly I needed a change.

I don't want to be a woman characterized by complaining and doubt. I want to be a woman whose peace of mind and joy points to the only true source for both; God. However, since my relationship with Him wasn't very good, due to my lack of trust, I wasn't even close to that goal. Which is where He took over. I knew I needed a change, and wanted to change, but couldn't do it on my own.

That's when He reminded me of my verse from this past summer; Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends ALL understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I wanted that PEACE, but to get it I needed to be giving everything up to God...which I admittedly have been doing, but the part that I've been missing was the thanksgiving. I had stopped being truly thankful. I mean, I'd say thank you for different things, and would be at the time, but over-all when examined my life has been deeply rooted in ungratefulness and questioning.

One of the first things God has opened my eyes to is my tendency to share and reminisce about tough times in my life. Those are the stories I ALWAYS tell people, those are things people generally hear about me first, the positive things only come out every once in awhile over a long span of time. Why do I do that? It was like who I am, was defined by the tough things I had 'endured'. It has caused me to really struggle with being self-righteous and judgmental. I catch myself thinking like the Pharisee in Luke 18 "God I thank you that I am not like other men...” yet in the same breathe envying them like the older brother in the parable of the Lost Son, being ungrateful for all that God has been doing; failing to see the gift in a life of doing 'the right thing' protected from some of the trials others around me have had to face. I've struggled with being angry and discontented before, but it's like God had decided it's time that I really faced the facts and started making some serious heart adjustments.

He showed me that the main reason why I have trouble trusting Him is because I'm still questioning HIM about WHY He let things in my past happen. The main reason I question is because I don't think it's fair, which causes me to question His goodness, which is why I worry, which leads to my distrust in Him. It's a terrible cycle. One that I'm realizing I've been caught in for a while; which leads me to the title of this post.

1 Corinthians 13:5b says, "(love) keeps no record of wrongs". Well, I've been keeping a record of 'wrongs' towards God. Many of the situations have since ceased to really matter in and of them-selves, but the questioning has left its mark on the list 'I shouldn't trust God b/c...' The whole 'God is in control' thing, instead of being a statement of comfort has slowly grown to be the number one reason for 'blaming' God for the tough things. Which causes a problem; I can't say I LOVE God if every time something happens, I'm questioning His character, and pulling out past 'records' to 'justify' my doubt. Thankfully God has started to help me change that mindset.

Thankfulness is the key. Instead of focusing on the all the negative things I don’t understand, I need to start focusing on the positive things that have happened and ARE happening in my life. I don’t want to remember the different stages of my life as defined by the tough things I went through, but by all the things God did for me and through me. This weekend, I started going through the ‘different stages’ of my life, and doing just that. Instead of remembering the tough things, I started listing all that I was thankful for that related to that stage of my life. It was GREAT, and in a sense freeing. Places or situations that used to make me upset or brought pain to think about, I was now able to see the positive things that were going on at the same time. Instead of hurt, I found joy. It was actually kind of fun; remembering some good places, good friends, and good memories. Listing the things has also allowed me to see, in a literal and figurative sense, how God really has been protecting, caring, and blessing me TREMENDOUSLY throughout my life. I really am blessed, and am grateful to God. He has opened my eyes to some core issues. He brought healing to parts of my life that I hadn’t even realized needed to be healed but were slowly starting to suck the life out of me. He really can turn tears to laughter and mourning to dancing.

God is GOOD!♥

So, I often find myself needing to re-read some of my own blogs. It's amazing how quickly I forget some of the lessons God has taught me. In this case, I re-read my blog "What is Love". WOW! What a great reminder of my TOTAL INABILITY to LOVE withOUT God.

1 John 4:19 has kind of been back on my mind again. I can ONLY love because God first loved ME. Recently I've been finding that a little hard to accept, which explains why I've been having a little trouble with handling my relationships...on multiple levels. It's amazing how when your relationship with God isn't where it's supposed to be, the rest of your relationships quickly follow suit. Before you know it, your unhealthily depending on other relationships, trying to find that comfort and guidance outside of God...see how things could start to spiral quickly? My relationship with God needs to be healthy and growing in order for ALL other relationships to be healthy. This month has been tough, and I've really been struggling through some things. However, I'm VERY thankful for the people around me who have loved me enough to call me out, to challenge me about the health of my relationship with God. It's really made me think, and it has been a struggle. God and I aren't 'great', and it's going to be a process (which the process never really ends till I'm in heaven). However, I feel closer and more connected to God then I have felt in awhile. I've made some mistakes, and I have some talks I need to have with some people, but my prayer is that because of this time of struggle, my relationships with others will only get stronger. God loves ME, I'm called to love Him back...which empowers me to love others.

God is GOOD! ♥

When I was a Freshman in college a friend of mine gave up negative thinking for Lent. Now, she recognized that in general it is IMPOSSIBLE to give up ALL negative thinking, but to her it was more of a chance to work on being POSITIVE. One of the things she did to focus on being positive was make a list of 100 things that made her happy. Once she was finished, she posted it on Facebook as a note, and encouraged the rest of us to do the same. Well, it took me almost a year before I eventually posted my list onto Facebook. Now, almost a year since THEN, I no longer have a Facebook, and have a serious gluten sensitivity that required me to make a few changes, which prompted the creation of this blog. I'd like to encourage all of you to make one for yourself. It's so easy to get caught up in the negative things of this life, it's nice to sometimes take a moment and remember the POSITIVE ones, big AND small! :) Anywho, here it is...my semi-revised list now back online in BLOG form...

100 Things that make me HAPPY!

1. JESUS
2. Putting together 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles
3. Curling up in REALLY soft blankets
4. Making snow angels
5. Reading a good book
6. Drinking a good cup of Joe in the morning
7. CHOCOLATE
8. Followed closely by Ice-cream…rough days require dosages of both ;)
9. Hoods!!! I love wearing hoods
10. Stealing/barrowing boys’ Hoodies and wearing them…they are more comfortable and tend to smell GREAT!
11. Shoes…fun shoes make me VERY happy…especially when on sale =)
12. Sales, Sales, Sales…I do not like buying things full price
13. Dancing and singing like no one is around whether they are or not ;)
14. APRIL FOOL’S DAY…I’m pretty sensitive, but I like to think I can take a joke…I usually just give REALLY GOOD responses to being pranked…don’t worry, I tend to forgive once I know it’s a joke…
15. Making new friends
16. Going to foreign countries
17. Meeting and getting to know people from foreign countries
18. PLAYING SOCCER!!!! Or actually anything related to the sport…I LOVE IT ♥♥♥
19. Solving the Rubik’s Cube
20. Blogging
21. socks =D
22. When the Hungarians use the “Happy Carrots” ^ ^ and me using a REDICULOUS amount of … (ellipses)
23. FreeCreditReport.com commercials
24. ENRIQUE!!!! ♥ [Iglesias]
25. Ultrasounds on my leg
26. My Two Random obsessions: CANADA…and Clark ;)
27. Listening to music…dancing to music…singing a-long with music..MUSIC!
28. KAREOKE!!!
29. Peanut Butter…yum :p
30. Leah and I have decided that…seeing pretty cars, driving pretty cars, owning pretty cars, and having pretty boys who can fix our pretty cars…make/ will make us happy
31. I LOVE DRIVING!
32. Going to the chiropractor
33. Drumming my fingernails on surfaces when I have long nails…and listening to the rhythmic beat
34. Getting texts…even though it costs me .3 of a minute on my TracPhone…
35. Getting into different TV shows with friends and family
36. CAFFEINE!!!
37. Using fun words/making up fun words SNUGGLEISHOUSNESS!
38. Making people Lose The GAME!!! Mwahahahaha =)
39. Random YouTube videos
40. Talking to strangers
41. Hating the Cubs and Apple computers
42. Skype!
43. Smooth legs ;)
44. My soccer pillow
45. Bair Lake Bible Camp
46. Knowing I have a Heavenly Father who loves me no matter what!
47. Comfy clothes/fun slippers
48. Random adventures…especially late night ones ;)
49. Star gazing
50. Walking barefoot (esp. ON A BEACH!)
51. Painting my nails
52. Seeing a person’s face when you give them something they REALLY wanted…and not just something you knew they’d like.
53. Playing games (board…card…etc…) with friends and family.
54. Getting a good grade on something I worked really hard on
55. Knowing other people are proud of me
56. Making other people happy
57. Peanut MnM’s/SourPatchKids/Mike and Ikes ...All equally delicious
58. My computer doing what it’s supposed to…when I need it to -Computers!
59. Listening to little children worship God through song
60. Taking “strolls” with God
61. Brushing my teeth
62. Solving problems/Resolving conflict
63. Sunrises/Sunsets (preferably over water)
64. Silly Love Songs ^^
65. MORE COWBELL
66. Watermelon :p
67. Listening to jam sessions!!! =)
68. Running soundboards
69. Cheese
70. BIG trucks
71. Operating heavy machinery
72. Having a legitimate pair of work pants
73. SNOW
74. Sledding
75. Learning to snowboard
76. Shooting guns
77. Randomly decorating a room
78. ‘Evolution’ cooking or baking
79. Drinking tea (with the pinkie up of course) ^^ …milk and sugar too!
80. Randomly speaking Spanish… ‘es ovio’ o ‘claro!’
81. Making something with my hands
82. Learning a new skill/teaching someone else a new skill
83. Animoto.com
84. Taking fun pictures/having crazy photos to remember a lot of crazy times, and some crazy people ^^
85. A good smelling candle
86. Sleep
87. Sweet HATS!
88. Agua is a very good thing to drink
89. CaNdYcAnEs ^^
90. Messing around with Photoshop
91. Coloring (and being OCD about it)
92. Being able to know EXACTLY what time it is the moment I open my eyes
93. Being thrown into pools
94. Receiving and giving back massages
95. Having my hair played with/ playing with hair
96. Receiving random notes
97. Just spending time with the people I love
98. RANDOMNESS/spontaneity ^^
99. Bubbles
100. ♥LOVE♥

I've read that in orienteering there are 3 important things a person needs to know: Where they are going, how they are going to get there, and where they are at. However, often times in the military, for safety measures very little information about a location is given. Often people are only told things on a 'need to know' basis. Many times in life, I find it hard to figure out where I'm at or to see where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. However, I know that I have an All-powerful,All-knowing, Ever-present Commander in Chief, and I trust HIM to let me know what I need to know and when I need to know it. I trust HIM to guide me to the places I need to be, and to provide the ways to get there. All I need to focus on is HIM, and the mission He has given me to accomplish. Sometimes I feel lost, and sometimes it IS because I'm in the wrong place, but sometimes I don't know where I'm at because I don't need to know, and that's OKAY because if I know that's where God wants me to be, then I'm not really lost.

So God, I don't really know where I'm at...I don't really know what's going to happen, or where I'm going...and I don't know how I'm going to get there...what I DO know is that God you called me to be HERE at BLBC last year for a reason, that you brought Jeremy and I together this summer for a reason, and that YOU are still just as in control and present in my life and the lives of the people around me as You were back then. Knowing that, I can be more confident as I go forward that You will be there for me, and will guide me along the path of life that is BEST. I will generally not understand what's going on or why...but You are the God who 'does not change like shifting shadows', You are the same Yesterday, Today, and Forever. So, even when the world seems a mess, and I start to get disoriented, all I need to do is fix my eyes on YOU. THANK YOU!

God is GOOD! ♥

“Dance with me-oh Lover of my soul- to the song of all songs. Romance me-oh Lover of my soul,-to the song of all songs.” Lyrics, mere words to song, but is that really all they are? I’m not exactly sure which worship song they are SUPPOSED to belong with, but for me they have been an addition to the song ‘How He Loves’ **Random interjection: This song came up on ‘shuffle’ while I was writing this blog ^^ ** Have you really ever thought about how God romances us? I mean, everybody talks about how the church is the ‘bride of Christ’, and how a man is supposed to love his wife, like Christ loves the church…but what does that really look like?

For most of my life, I have been single, but I’ve wanted God to romance me… I knew/KNOW that He held/holds…protected and PROTECTS my heart, but it’s only now, as I’m barely in the beginning stages of my first ‘romance’ that God has really been able to reveal HIS ‘romantic’ side in a more personal and REAL way.

My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. We met at camp, and spent most of the summer around each other, but this Fall we find ourselves separated by just a ‘few miles’ and a couple of hours; me still at camp and him near Detroit. It’s tough, and there are a lot of times when I really wish that he could be here sharing in some moment/event/ whatever…However, what I’m learning to do is invite God into those moments, and not just to talk. I mean, it’s good to pray to God, and I DO talk to Him about my life and things that are going on, and it IS good to thank and praise Him for who He is and for what He has done, but it’s been AWESOME just letting Him come and BE with me; letting God fill my need for companionship. There are plenty of times when my boyfriend and I will just be hanging out, and we won’t do anything. We just rest and enjoy BEING together…and that’s what I’m learning to do with God. And, you know what? In the long run, it’s more satisfying. What I’m learning more and more is that the things of this world really do NOT give us what we need. God is the ONLY One who can really satisfy. Memories of moments I’ve spent with my boyfriend often bring up a desire to be in that same moment…to repeat it. It hurts sometimes to remember that he is NOT here. However, remembering moments with God are still just as satisfying because God is still JUST AS PRESENT NOW as He was THEN. The moment doesn’t serve as a reminder of the distance, but as a reminder of His Nearness ^^ … Now, here is my disclaimer: It’s not bad to miss people or to look back and remember special moments, you just want to be careful and remember that it is GOD who truly satisfies our need for companionship and who REALLY keeps us from being alone. If we start depending on other people to fill us, we’re only going to end up worse off. People can NOT always be there, and WILL not always be there. They’ll make mistakes, and they WILL disappoint and hurt us…that’s life. God, however, will ALWAYS be there, and will ALWAYS love us.

God is GOOD! ♥