IfYouGiveAMindensenABlog

Evagrius: Living a virtuous life – Today By Mindy Boeringa It’s been almost two years since I last posted anything on my blog. Since that time a lot of things have happened, one of those things being that I have now been married for a year and a half. Also, in less than 72 hours I will be graduating. (YES!) This means, that once again I’m in a time of transition, filled with lots of uncertainties and unknown. Once again though, as I struggle to prepare for the next stage of life, God is drawing me closer to himself, and reminding me that the question “How am I living?”(I.e. how’s my heart?), is more important than the question “What am I doing with my life?” (I.e. what job do I have?). This past semester, for one of my philosophy classes (I’m a philosophy minor) I had the opportunity to read Evagrius Ponticus’s The Praktikos & Chapters on Prayer. When I first read it, I was a bit discouraged. Evagrius writes a lot about monastic living (which makes sense because that’s what he was living in), and it started to feel like he was saying that the only hope for living a virtuous life was through a monastic lifestyle. However, on further examination, I discovered that even though he advocates for the monastic life, many of his principles can, and probably should, be applied to everyday life. It was quite challenging: some principles in his book I didn’t want to accept simply because I knew they weren’t things that I’d enjoy applying to my own life. However, the difficulty level of his ideas doesn’t disqualify what Evagrius had to say from being applicable… or valid. We live in a world of spiritual warfare, a war that Evagrius does not take lightly. In these two writings, he strives to unveil the reality of temptations and lay out a plan to counter them. All who wish to live virtuously can benefit from reading of his dealings with specific temptations, and from his general exhortation for people to cultivate a contemplative lifestyle. To begin with, Evagrius talks a lot about demons. Though it can be debated whether he is talking about literal demons or just trying to objectify temptation, all can agree that temptation is something we all face. Evagrius’s understanding of temptation is very biblical. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, but when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it” (NIV). Similarly, Evagrius thinks that temptation is a matter of when, not if, but he also has the hope of overcoming, and prevailing over evil. The Praktikos is the earliest known recording of “The Seven Deadly Sins”, though for Evagrius they are “The Eight kind of Evil Thoughts”. Evagrius uses most of the book to explain each Evil Thought, but doesn’t leave it there; he also gives a way of combating each Evil Thought. I have decided to focus on only two: Gluttony and Sadness. I will start with gluttony because, of the two, I find it more relatable to my personal life. For Evagrius, gluttony isn’t merely an unhealthy love of food, but a broader fear of harming one’s physical health to the point of placing one’s physical health as the number one priority in life. He says, “It brings to [the monk’s] mind concern for… scarcity of the commodities of life and finally of his edematous body and the lack of care by the physicians” (Praktikos pg 17). Gluttony is making physical health an idol, which seems to be a main issue in today’s society, not to mention my own life. Our culture is overflowing with advertisements for beauty and health products. There are, apparently, a million and a half ways to make you look younger, healthier, and better than you are right now; Just turn on the TV, almost every commercial appeals to the desire to look, or be seen a certain way. For example: All of the Maybelline commercials. Youth, beauty, and health are seductive ideals that people cling tightly to. In my own life, I often cherish sleep more than I should, and claim the need for more and more rest because I feel tired. The consequence for me “NEEDING sleep” is I neglect other things, such as waking up early and spending time with God, or spending more time with my husband, which negatively affects myself and others. Thankfully, Evagrius has a suggestion though for how to combat this unhealthy perspective of physical health. His suggestion (of course) is teaching oneself to be content. Paul, in Philippians 4:12b-13 writes, “…I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation, whether well fed of hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength” (NIV). Paul puts the emphasis back where it belongs on Jesus, and I think Evagrius would agree. Evagrius suggestion is to limit the body to only its basic needs, in the smallest of portions, forcing the body to be grateful for the necessities. He says, “For satiety desires a variety of dishes but hunger thinks itself happy to get its fill of nothing more than bread” (Praktikos pg.21). So while I’m not certain if this means I should try to force myself to sleep only the minimum amount of hours a night, avoid drinking caffeine, and see if I can make myself content with just the bare essentials of sleep, it certainly is something I should be seriously praying about. Furthermore, I do know that I have a God who is faithful to provide “everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3 NIV). I am so thankful that I don’t have to figure it all out on my own. Now, on to the topic of Sadness, which is definitely something I struggle with. Life is full of choices and we have all at some point in time have played the “What If” game, but Evagrius warns that this can be dangerous. It is all too easy while reminiscing to start looking back with regret on the choices we made; all too often we begin to feel like a sacrifice we made out of obedience to God might not have been worth it. This regret is something I know I struggle with, and social media like Facebook certainly doesn’t help. (Can I get an Amen?) Often times, my biggest regrets are the people I feel like I have “left behind.” I miss the friendships, or in some cases, the opportunities I might have had if I had taken a different course in life. This type of train of thought quickly leads down a very slippery slope that takes whoever ends up on it to a place of ungratefulness. In the midst of their regrets, people fail to see the blessings around them in the lives they have. The coping strategy that Evagrius suggests is one that I struggled immensely with, yet, through scripture, I believe I see what he intended to convey. Evagrius thinks that as long as we take pleasure in the things of this world, we will always be at risk of being tempted by Sadness. I don’t like that idea, but perhaps he might be on to something. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (NIV). God is the only one who can truly satisfy our needs, and desires. When we get our priorities mixed up, we will always end up feeling disappointed, and often ungrateful. If we put God first, he will take care of the rest. Evagrius’s underlying strategy is the cultivation of a strong contemplative way of life. The main hint to this strategy comes from his use of the word “thoughts,” instead of using the word “sins” directly. His diction seems to indicate that Evagrius’s believes spiritual warfare doesn’t take place on the outside of a person, but that it goes on internally: in our minds, hearts and souls. He writes, “If there is any monk who wishes to take the measure of some of the more fierce demons… then let him keep careful watch over his thoughts. Let him observe their intensity, their periods of decline and follow them as they rise and fall. Let him note well the complexity of his thoughts, their periodicity, the demons which cause them, with the order of their succession and the nature of their associations. Then let him ask from Christ the explanations of these date he has observed. For the demons become thoroughly infuriated with those who practice active virtue in a manned that is increasingly contemplative.” (Praktikos pg.30) Our inner selves affect our outer selves. If the demons can get us to think the wrong things, or in the wrong way, they can indirectly cause us to act in ways that we shouldn’t. The key to living a virtuous life comes down to discipline, and more specifically a disciplined thought life. I think we can all relate to his description of being tempted by another thought that he calls Acedia. “First of all he makes it seem that the sun barely moves… then he constrains the monk to look constantly out the window… to look now this way and now that to see if perhaps…” (Praktikos 18-19). I think that if Evagrius was writing today the final sentence might have went more like this: “…to log on to Facebook to see if perhaps…” (Story of my life) Through all this Evagrius’s exhortation is to stand firm, and not “school the spirit in awkwardness, cowardice and fear” (Praktikos 24). Instead, we should “be self-controlled and alert. [For our] enemy the devil prowls like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him…” (2 Peter 5:8-9a NIV). So what’s the best way to stand firm? Evagrius’s answer is through prayer. In his Chapters on Prayer, Evagrius lists 153 different tips and tricks on how best to pray, how to ward off distractions, and even some thoughts on what to pray. In the end, it seems like prayer is a believer’s best defense. If you want to protect your mind and cultivate that contemplative lifestyle, you must also learn to pray. He writes, “When you find yourself tempted… then is the time to put yourself in mind of prayer… you will find that the disordered movement will immediately be stilled” (COP 57). Prayer is a main discipline in a virtuous life, and I think that is very Biblical. We are told, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:6-7 NIV). (Most of you know I can’t resist using this verse, and I know I’ve talked about the next part before too, but I can’t help it) The word guard in the original Greek literally means “to guard, protect by military guard, either to prevent hostile invasion, or to keep the inhabitants of a besieged city from flight”. How cool is that. We have a God who helps protect us from the hostile invasions of evil on our hearts and minds; all we have to do is ask. Evagrius has a lot to say about the monastic life because that was the culture he lived in. Despite the difference between his lifestyle and ours, many of his examples and strategies, especially his overall exhortation to cultivate a contemplative lifestyle, are applicable to us today. Above all, what he says does not contradict scripture. Rather, scripture supports much of what Evagrius has to say about adjustments we should make in our lifestyles today. I, for one, am not done gleaning good things from what he has to say, and I’d encourage anyone to check his writings out. It’s amazing how something so long ago, can still be relevant today. (Remind you of another book???) God is GOOD! ♥

It's been a little over a week since my 22nd birthday, and FAR more weeks than that since my last blog. Since graduating from Outfitters over a year ago, I know that my blogs have become more and more spread apart, less consistent. Why is that? Is it b/c I don't have anything to share? Now that I'm back in "normalcy"? -living back at home with the fam, going to school, a summer NOT at camp, working a part time job... Does that really mean there aren't challenge's and life-lessons to learn and share? ...the answer is NO, but I ceased to pay attention... I got "caught-up", busy. Let my life roll for awhile. "Going through the motions" as the Matthew West puts it. I've tried to ignore it, and push the feeling of restlessness aside. I KNOW I'm thirsty, but I'm "content" with life as it is right, and that's a GOOD thing, right?! WRONG! The Bible has a word for those kinds of Christians "luke-warm" and in Revelations 3:16, Jesus spits them out of his mouths saying "You do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, and poor..."

In truth, when I sat down to write this, I did not plan on going here... but it's a place I needed to be brought to I suppose. The last couple weeks at church there have been some REALLY convicting and challenging messages... messages I'm still mulling over, but at some point I NEED to act.

I'll admit it, I have GREAT ambition. It's partly a pride-thing; I want to BE someone, I want to REALLY make a difference with my life. Right now, I have a pretty decent job working in the business world. It's a GREAT opportunity to gain experience, and get my foot into the international market world. It's exciting, and can be fun... but sometimes (okay, a LOT of times) on my 1.5hr (on average) commute drive home, I think to myself, "Is this REALLY all there is for me in the future?" "Is this REALLY all I want in life? To be successful in business?" and on the surface my answer is "Yes, I could do this for the rest of my life", but then I take a minute (or SEVERAL b/c I have them sitting in traffic) and I realize I feel the emptiness in that pursuit...

I started reading Ecclesiastes again the other day, and if you know me, you know it's a book I come back to a lot. It's a book I feel like I really relate to. Here's Solomon, the wisest man to EVER live, and he wants to DO something with his time on earth. Because of his VAST resources he is able to 'dabble' in a variety of things, and he records them in Ecclesiastes (for those of us withOUT said VAST amounts of resources)in order to show the futile-ness of life, and really of ANYTHING we could set-out to do on this earth. "Meaningless, Meaningless," he says. Which at this point you are now all probably thinking... "how depressing, and you LIKE this book...", however there is HOPE. Ecclesiastes 2:24-25 (emphasis mine)... "A man can do NOTHING better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without HIM, who can eat or find enjoyment?" The KEY here is GOD. There are PLENTY of things we can find to do in order to pass the time in this life. However, only GOD can bring meaning to it. Without HIM there is nothing...

A verse that I keep coming back to recently is Psalm 127:1a "Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain..." It doesn't matter how HARD I work, how much effort I put into something, if God isn't in my planning, it's meaningless. If it's not something I'd doing WITH and FOR HIM, it all is for naught. It doesn't matter what grades I get, the job I work, the how much money I make, how "spiritual" I am, how much I go to church, how much I donate, how many friends I have, what kinds of relationships I try to build... they are all pointless if I don't include GOD...

So, I'd like to end this on a "happy", "inspiring" note, but I can't... I feel like I'm wasting my life away, and I don't know how to change it... I'm not sure I want to... I LIKE my life the way it is... it's not perfect... but there aren't waves... :/ It's like I'm dying for an adventure on the sea, but am content to play on the beach where the waves can't get me... how sad is that?

Luckily, I have a God who can calm those seas! (Mark 4)... I definitely was NOT planning on getting to THAT verse...

God... I don't want to waste my life. I want to live a life that is holy and pleasing to You. God, You have a plan, and it's a GREAT one. Help me to seek YOU in ALL things, as You promise I will FIND You if I look with ALL my heart (Jeremiah 29:11-...) LORD, I love You, and I don't want to be "luke-warm", but I NEED Your help to change... God, I want to truly give my life to You, but You are going to have to help me lay it down. I can NOT let go on my own. I can already feel the resistance in me, and the complacency settling in... I WANT, to WANT to change... so here's my SOS. Save me God from myself, as only You can. Thank You Father for Your LOVE, and forgiveness... everyday I a realize more and more how MUCH I need them... and TOTALLY do NOT deserve them. Your GRACE is TRULY AMAZING! -Amen

So, there it is... that's what's been on my heart and mind... read, don't read, be challenged, don't be... but PLEASE pray for me... clearly I need it! ...and let me know if I can be praying for you...

God is GOOD! ♥

Socrates: "Then, my very good friend, we should not give so much thought to what the majority of people will say about us, but think instead of what the person who understands just and unjust things will say -- the ONE man and the TRUTH itself. So your first claim -- that we should give thought to the opinion of the majority about what's just, fine, good, and their opposites -- isn't right" (CRITO)

WOW! Does anyone else hear and SEE the TRUTH in that???

Jesus says "I am the WAY, the TRUTH, and the LIFE. No one comes to the Father but through me" (John 14:6)

And in Proverbs it say
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

John 7:18
Whoever speaks on their own does so to gain personal glory, but he who seeks the glory of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.

AH! SO MANY GREAT verses about TRUTH... especially in Romans. Surprise! (Click TRUTH for link)

My philosophy homework is rocking my world, and it's not even a "christian" source.

God is GOOD!♥

Kill me!
If that is the price
to have Truth shine in my life,
I will gladly pay it.

These words are essentially the attitude Socrates had in the face of his accusers; those countrymen who wished to see him dead because he had offended them with the truth.

Socrates, a "pagan", a classical Greek philosopher, is willing to DIE for what he believes to be the Truth, and to be HIS calling to the people around him. "You're not thinking straight, sir, if you think that a man who's any use at all should give any opposing weight to the risk of living or dying, instead of looking to this alone whenever he does anything; whether his actions are just or unjust, the deeds of a good or bad man" (The Apology of Socrates) Now, we as Christians know that is God who knows our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7), and that it's by the WORD that live (2 Timothy 3:16. However, are we willing to stand up for what WE KNOW AS TRUTH, and be willing TO DIE for it?!

Jesus said "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it" (Luke 9:23-24)

What does this look like?

God is GOOD!♥

Dear Lord Jesus
I need Your Grace
and Your Strength.
Help me to be obedient
in the trials I face.
When I gave You my life
I gave You control.
Now it's time for me to
really live that role.

Letting You direct
wherever You choose.
Trusting I'll gain
more than I'll lose.
Actively submitting
myself to Your Will.
Obediently following
no matter the 'bill'.

You paid a price greater
than anything I could pay.
Proving Your LOVE,
paving The Way.
I now have access to
the ABUNDANT life.
Sometimes for now though
that means strife.
Living in a broken world
means making a choice.
Picking a shepherd,
and following his voice.

I chose You Jesus;
The Good Shepherd,
my Savoir, and Friend.
You’re the One to follow
till the very End.
Your Way is the Best,
but it can be hard to see.
Sometimes it can even
appear as terrible to me.

I believe Lord though
that You are Loving, and kind.
You do ALL things
with our BEST in mind.
Thank You God
for being good, and faithful.
For Your promises, Lord
I am grateful.

Thank You that
You’ll never leave me.
Thank You for
a yoke that’s easy,
Thank You God for
the strength to act,
even when I think I can’t.
Thank You for
Your Spirit that guides me,
gives me wisdom,
And lives inside me.

Thank You for
the power to carry on,
and grace through which
my weaknesses are made strong.
My eyes are on You.
Lead on where You Will.
No matter what happens,
I will trust You still.

God is GOOD!♥

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

The Greek word peirazo which is translated here as 'temptation' can also be defined as 'to test'. A friend of my mine recently called me with a really encouraging thought about that, which is why it's on my mind. Though there are certainly times when we are specifically tempted, these aren't the only times at which this verse can be applied. Often, when going through a trial, we turn to the common though ever elusive concept of "consider it pure joy my brother's whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete..." (James 1:2-4a). However, why can we be confident, "that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ"(Philippians 1:6)? ...ANSWER? "God is faithful" :)

...isn't that nice to know? Whether you're being tempted, or tested, we have a God who will be standing by you no matter what, through whom "we can do all things" (Philippians 4:13), and who can "do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20).

We may not know what's going on, but if we trust in the Lord with all our hearts,(Proverbs 3:5), not doubting (James 1:6) or leaning on own understanding, He will make our paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. (Psalm 91:1)

God is GOOD!♥

I'm taking a "Leadership" class right now at my school during it's Winter semester, which is just a 2 week period between Christmas break, and the start of Spring semester. Honestly, as an "ACE facilitator", and just going through multiple "leadership/team building" things, I kind of expected it to be a fairly "repeat"class. I wasn't really expecting to be told or do anything new... silly right?

So, we keep journals for this class, but today I felt the need to blog about my experience first. There is just so much going on in my head right now that a notebook page just seems too confining.

For today, the syllabus says "Group Experience meet in Grand Lobby". Now, because of what I've already said, I looked at that and thought "team building". I was wrong. (SPOILER ALERT: this blog will kind of "disqualify" you from participating in similar experiences)

Once everyone was there, our professor walked over to where we were gathered, and he had 3 other facilitators with him, whom he introduced. There wasn't anybody I didn't recognize. He then let another lady explain what we were going to do. In general, what was going to happen was that we were each going to be given a slip of paper with our name on it, and instructions. We could not talk from that point on, and we couldn't show each other our slips. This is what my slip said:

Follow the captain to the back corner of the lobby. Remain standing. Do not watch the movie.
Do not even turn your head or body toward the movie screen. Do not speak. Wait for further
directions. If one of the captains makes a request of you do as they ask as quickly and
quietly as possible.

My personality is to have a mini 'panic attack' at this point. What are they going to ask me to do? Will it be embarrassing? Am I going to be able to keep still? Wait, what did my paper say again? Shoot! did I forget something? I hope I don't forget anything... etc. :) Sound like you??? Anywho, all this kind of passed through my head in a matter of moments, and I came to the conclusion that I trusted the people facilitating to not ask me to do something that would be bad, and if they did I wouldn't do it, but otherwise, I was okay with following my slip of paper... and then the "experience" began.

They called us out in groups. Starting with the blue group (my paper said red at the top, which I actually didn't notice until after class, my name was written in red though, so I assumed that's what they were talking about), they walked my fellow classmates into the main lobby area. The green group went next. Each group had a 'captain' or facilitator that went with them. I didn't really pay attention to where they went right away, but when Red was called, I followed the rest of my group into the main part of the lobby. We were just heading to the closest back corner, but from that short walk I could see that there was a screen and projector set up in front of which a couple of other students were sitting, and then behind to the back right there was another group of students sitting in chairs facing the screen. We Reds were then told to face the wall, and stand as close together as possible, and to not talk. So that's what I did. Soon after, I could hear the theme music of Batman Begins start to fill the room, and the film proceeded to play. I settled in to my spot. I had seen the movie and could pretty much watch the scenes in my head. :) Every once in awhile, our 'captain' would ask for something to be given her... chap-stick,sweatshirt, shoe, sock, earring, hair-tie... nothing very big. It was generally asked with some urgency, and since my instructions said to respond quickly and quietly, if I had the object I would hand it over unless someone else had already started to give her something. No big deal. Sometimes, I would hear her correct somebody in my group for moving or to stop looking around, but for the most part we were doing a good job of following what at least my slip said. At one point though there was a little 'tension' because someone was asked for something specific they didn't have, which they thought he was 'lying'. This said person, later took off, and ran out of the building and away from the experience entirely.

Through out this time, the movie was still playing, but I could hear other 'captains' asking for stuff from the other group, but there didn't seem to be anything crazy going on. After the one guy ran away, there was definitely a change in the group I was standing in. The guy right next to me, the next time we were asked for something, actually started to talk about, and question our 'captain', and even added a "you can't punish us", basically saying she didn't really have 'power' to enforce what she was asking for...

Our professor eventually called the experience to a close, and we all drew chairs up towards the screen. (The movie was shut off :( ...now I do want to go watch Batman Begins) ...The guy who ran off was called, and he eventually came back, but we started our debrief with out him. And this is where I really started to struggle.

From my understanding, what the experience was supposed to demonstrate was how people respond to 'oppression', and how other people respond to seeing others 'being oppressed'. I came out of the debrief, feeling like I was looked at as being 'weak' for just 'giving in', but I can't help feel that in the end that wasn't a fair evaluation.

Romans 13:1-5 says "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, and agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience."

Now, I realize that we shouldn't just mindlessly follow ANYBODY, but that we should be careful of whom we trust,whom we place ourselves under,and that ultimately, we answer to God FIRST before any human authority. However, I had already DECIDED in advance that it was okay to TRUST the people in authority, and I ALREADY knew my LIMITS going in, and nothing they asked crossed the line. Furthermore, I strongly believe that "God is our refuge and strength. An ever-present help in trouble. Therefore, we will not FEAR..." (Psalm 46:1-2a). This verse honestly passed through my brain as I was standing facing the wall, but with that same thought I realized "I am NOT in TROUBLE". There was NOTHING TO FEAR to begin with. So, even though, it could be seen as 'weak' and 'mindless' to simply hand over my sweatshirt when asked, there was actually a LOT of thought that went into that DECISION to be obedient.

• I didn't have a good reason to disobey
• If this was some type of scenario we were supposed to be acting out my lack of adherence to what I was told could effect the overall purpose for the experience
• I didn't know what was written on other people's slips. As far as I knew, they were INSTRUCTED to 'rebel', and I was NOT.

As the debrief continued, we were told about the 'by-stander effect' which is generally associated with EMERGENCY situations, and shows how people in crowds will tend to not help someone in need out of fear of standing out, or assuming that someone else will help. It's kind of sad to think about, but at the same time, in this experience there wasn't that kind of need. None of my classmates were being hurt, or abused; physically OR verbal. So, we were made to stand for 32 minutes facing a wall, and we weren't allowed to watch a movie. So, we had to stand close together, and give our 'captain' some of our things. So? I'm not being hurt, I know I'm getting those things back. I'm not hurting anyone else, or being asked to take something from someone else. In fact, as far as I knew, it was potentially MORE of risk to NOT obey because I could negatively effect the scenario that the facilitators were trying to present.

Side note: As someone who has had to facilitate different activities, it is ESPECIALLY FRUSTRATING when people don't listen and can't seem to wait patiently for/or follow basic instructions, and can't seem to let me say ANYTHING without being told WHY, or asking some other question... and most of the time I was trying to organize a FUN event, that quickly became UN-FUN because no one would listen, or follow instructions. All of this played a part in my response.

Continuing on, we eventually took a break, and then headed back to our normal 'classroom'. There, our professor kind of proceeded with the discussion of social/psychological experiments. The one we specifically talked about was The Standford Prison experiment, which to save time, I'll just insert a link to the Youtube video here.

Something that was emphasized in our original debrief, and after this movie was the idea of being observant, and being aware of the bigger picture. "There is ALWAYS more going on". In the Standford experiment, there was a 'prisoner' who forgot that he wasn't REALLY a prisoner, but after being reminded that he really was just a student participating in an experiment he was able to calm down, and be rational again. It was his in-ability to remain rational that made him freak out in the first place. This I believe is key, and something that should have been said about the experience we went through in class. Just like the 'prisoners', we were just students in an activity. We weren't really being 'oppressed'. There was nothing to get freaked out about, which is why, it's kind of upsetting to be told that is really what it takes for the experience to be 'successful'. I feel like our experience matches more closely with the Prison than with the By-stander Effect. The people who remained rational I believe are the people who TRULY responded correctly, as opposed to the people who got upset, just because they didn't LIKE what was going on.
Responding out of discomfort, or dislike is DIFFERENT than responding because something is morally or ethically WRONG. One I believe to be belligerence, the other demonstrates a true sense of justice and compassion. The former seems more selfish, the latter selfless.

Now,I am not a perfect person, and I certainly am often afraid. In fact, on my way home today, as I was processing through some of this, I drove passed a car that was blocking a lane, and the boy clearly was stuck. He was going through his trunk though, and seemed to 'know' what to do. I didn't know how I could help, so at first I drove past... which is usually my excuse. "I wouldn't be any help" or "I am a girl". However, I realized I at least had a phone I could offer in case maybe he didn't have one so I turned around, drove back and asked if he needed help. He didn't, but still, it was evidence to me that there are certainly times when I'm not the one to quickly jump to help someone in need. Also, in my attempt to defend myself in class today, I was challenged with the idea that there probably were areas/things that I did compromise on, or let go unchallenged in my life that were subtle things, or things that just weren't blatantly terrible. That really made me think, and I am sure there are areas/things that I should be less compliant about. This experience just wasn't one of them.

I pray to God though, that HE will give me the strength and the courage to ACT according to HIS WILL, and through HIS POWER, if/when a situation comes up in which I DO need to speak/act out against some kind of authority, and I believe He will.

"No temptation has seized you accept what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear, But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) Now, I will probably write a whole OTHER blog about this verse, but in summary, the Greek word for 'temptation', can also be translated as 'to test'. There is NO real difference except in the WHO. If it's God doing something...He's TESTING. If it is the devil...he's TEMPTING. Otherwise, the words are the same. God allows things for a reason, often we don't know the reason, but we are told that He will be there with us, and will help us. :)

God is GOOD!♥

I am currently sitting in my school's library, midway through my last week of classes for this semester (my first semester at this school). It has certainly had its ups and downs, but I'm pleased to say there are a few things that I'm really actually starting to get excited about.

As a business major there is a lot of talk about 'planning', 'organizing', 'setting goals'. Unfortunately, I tend to feel very inept at setting 'SMART' (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-bound) goals for myself. Continually, I tend to be more of a ‘goal-oriented’ person… starting to see my general dilemma? So, this semester has been kind of trying because, besides the goal of GRADUATING with some degree (currently Business), I didn’t really have any other focus or motivation for school. However, the other day when talking to my counselor… (Yes, I have one…I HIGHLY recommended it! They provide a great NEUTRAL prospective to life that I find to be extremely beneficial in this rather chaotic time of life)… I ended up on this tangent about a dream I’ve been holding onto for the last few years. Never any real major developments, but I’ve mentioned it from time to time, but this time it seemed to really come to life in that office. I started to get really excited about it. Though, it is very much still just a dream at this point, it’s kind of also become a bit of vision; Something to pray about, and potentially start putting some serious effort into, and more importantly, a ‘tangible’ goal for my current academic pursuit. Instead of just seeing school as a means to just a degree… it’s now a potential means to my DREAM! Like I stated earlier, I only have a few more class periods to go, but I already see a change in how I approach my major-related classes (and in a sense some of my Gen.Eds too). Not that I wasn’t participating before, but I now see them as opportunities to helping my dream take shape.
+1 for school!

Secondly, due to my current lack of employment (as mentioned in a previous blog), I’ve had time to get more involved in ‘extra-curricular activities’ here at school. Last week I was able to go through my Theater (and general art department) orientation, and I am now able to run sound for theater productions. I was given my orientation specifically so I could run sound for a group that was going to be renting my school’s theater for the week. It was my first time running sound for a theater production, and it ended up being lots of fun. This week I am again assisting with another production, expect this one is actually put on by my school’s theater group. I really do enjoy running sound, and it feels good to be back behind a board on a regular basis. Also, it's a digital board which is something I’ve had little opportunity to work with. I currently haven’t had the opportunity (or need!) to benefit from its ‘digital capabilities’, but it’s still something new to learn and experience in an area that I GREATLY enjoy.
+1 again for school!

Continuing on with exciting things, I’ve also been asked to consider applying for a more major role in an on campus group I’m currently involved in, which has the possibility of being both challenging and greatly rewarding. I will more than likely apply, but regardless, I am excited about where the group is heading in general. It will be fun to be a part of it in whatever role I end up being in.
A 3rd + for school!

To conclude on more focused spiritual note: I am VERY thankful to God for changing my attitude, as I’ve really struggled with that this semester; it’s nice to be finding some real joy in school. He’s taught me alot this semester.(James 1:2-4) Also, as I try to pray-fully move forward with my dream, it’s important to remember who ultimately is in control. As I was telling my boyfriend about my exciting new brainstorm (as he is directly connected to the idea), the verse Psalm 127:1 came up. “Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain”. I can run myself ragged trying to make my ‘dreams come true”, but if it’s not GOD’s project first and foremost, I will never truly succeed, and my efforts will be in vain. Therefore, it’s very important that I include HIM in every step of the process. If it’s not His way, if it’s not what He desires, than I shouldn’t do it. On the encouraging side, one of my favorite verses (as many of you already know) is Ephesians 3:20, “Now to Him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us”, which reminds us that God’s ways are SO beyond ours, and specifically beyond our IMAGINATION…our dreams! God wants to take our dreams and EXPLODE them into something we could never have thought of for ourselves. Isn’t that AWESOME?! I think so… and I’m excited to see what God does. I already REALLY like my idea, so I know God’s way will definitely be ‘crazy AWESOME’ (to borrow the colloquialism)!
+INFINITY for God!

God is GOOD!♥

I've been doing a lot of driving lately, and would like to share some of the things I've 'learned' while driving...

So, you're cruising down the road when suddenly the car in front of you breaks. You're going as fast as legally possible, the lane next to you is open, for now, but it won't be open forever. You have two choices; stay where you are and just break along with the car in front, or quick change lanes and POTENTIALLY zip around/past. I don't know about the rest of you, but I seem to get a little anxious in these kinds of situations. I know it seems silly, but I'm very 'time efficient' minded. I don't like speeding, but I don't like being 'stuck' either. Now, in the last few months I have run into this situation COUNTLESS times, and I've realized something... Just because there are break lights in front and a seemingly open lane next to you, it doesn't mean that a lane change will ultimately be the best choice.

Sometimes, in life, we're have a similar choice to make.

Recently, I've been rather impatient, especially when it comes to school. I don't like being in school, and I just want to be done, get 'on with my life'. I recently seemed to be "seeing break lights" in front of me, in the lane known as Trinity. I didn't feel like Trinity was going to get me to my goal of graduation in the 'fastest' way possible, in fact, I thought it was going to be significantly slower. I saw the break lights, and started turning my head to check for a potential lane change. Well, time continued to tick (just like traffic continues to roll for the most part), and I ended up signing up for another semester while I looked into other options. Some options originally looked REALLY great, but as I found time to really ask some questions, I was fairly disappointed. Also, even though my grades have dropped 'slightly' these last few weeks, I have really started to feel a focus and connection again with Trinity. Needless to say, I'm not "changing lanes" anytime soon. I was in such a rush to 'discover my future", but recently I was reminded of a J.R.R. Tolkien quote "Do not spoil wonder with haste". God has SO much for me to experience and learn RIGHT now. He has PLENTY of good things for me now. I just need slow down long enough to realize it. Psalm 46:10 "Be STILL and know that I am God".

Driving tip: Self-enforcement of the speed limit allows for a less 'rushed' feel, which I have found to GREATLY help eliminate 'road-rage' and 'stop-light impatience'. :)

God is GOOD!♥

Hi Everybody!
I'm sorry I've been bad at keeping up. It's been pretty crazy being a full-time student, a "Part-time" employee, an average human being who needs sleep/basic other things, girlfriend, sister, daughter, friend, peer, involved student...Anywho, my real big time eaters are/were classes/hw and my job.
As of last Friday, I am no longer employed, but I have to say that it was a learning lesson. Also, for the most part it wasn't a bad job, gas is just too expensive. Well, between commuting to school, and my job, that required me to drive all over the south-eastern suburbs (and slightly into IN), I have spent a LOT of time driving.
So, I was thinking of just starting a whole 'new' blog for random things I've thought of/learned from my driving experiences, but lets be serious, I have a hard enough time keeping this one up :) I plan to just write individual blogs and have a specific "Life Lessons of a Commuter Student" label. I will hopefully post my first one after I finish this post.
School has been going well, but the for the last couple of weeks I've felt very unmotivated, and a little lost. God, however, has been very good to me (SURPRISE!. I am currently scheduled to remain at Trinity at least for another semester, but please continue to pray for guidance for me. Right now, it's kind of a day-to-day thing. There have been plenty of learning opportunities both in and outside of the classroom. Pray that I am a good witness for JESUS to my classmates (Yes, I go to Christian school, but I don't take it for granted that all my peers are Christians too). It's a struggle sometimes to not get angry and to be judgmental. My prayer as of late has been "God help me to be compassionate as You have shown compassion to me, and to love as You have loved me". I know it's not going to happen over night, but people won't be drawn to cruelty/loathing, but to love.
Last night (early this morning), I finished a paper for my Theology class on Genesis 22, and I hope to post it once I get it back, but the main point I got from my research was that God cares about our HEARTS. He wants to be the One whom our hearts are fixed upon, and whom we trust wholeheartedly .
Jeremiah 29:11 is a favorite verse to quote, but often people stop there. It's unfortunate because I've come to find verse 13 to be the best part...
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart

I have a lot of questions about my future. I have hopes and I have dreams (fears too!), but I have a God who just wants to be in a relationship with me. He'll take care of the rest (Mat 6:33...I couldn't help referencing it), and it'll probably be better than I could ever imagine (Eph 3:20!). Truth is, I've been REALLY stressed out these last couple months. It hasn't been a constant thing, but it's certainly been 'hanging' over my head. I've started looking at the waves around me instead of focusing on my Savoir JESUS (Mat14:29-31). I've been trying to 'feel in control', and have just wound up feeling MORE lost, MORE confused, and just generally dissatisfied with life/demotivated. I wish I could say "I'm done" with all that, but I know it will still be a battle, but with Thanksgiving coming up in a few days, it's once again a GREAT reminder of God's GREAT provision in my life. It is much easier to feel better when my eyes are on God and what He's done, and NOT on myself. Because I have included all of my other typical verses, I can't finish this post without (yes, you guessed it) Philippians 4:6-7...
Dear God, you know my hopes and my dreams. You know what I'm going through, my current stresses, the little things that drag me down. I thank for the job opportunity and helping me through it. I thank you for how you've continued to provide for, and for the little 'gifts' you give me each day as a reminder of your presence. Help me Holy Spirit to continue to trust you with all my heart, and grant me a peace that surpasses all understanding. I'm sorry for how I've tried to take control, continue to pry my life from my hands. It's ours and I KNOW I will be much better off with YOU in control...Thank You for Your peace. -Amen

God is GOOD!♥

Where has the time gone?!
This a time of many transitions for me. For those of you who didn't know, I'm currently back at school. I'm a sophomore at Trinity Christian College, studying Business.

The summer ended in a flurry of activities, and I ended my time at Lake Ellen road tripping back to IL with a fellow-coworker of mine (Grant). We followed two other co-workers (Katie and Corrinne) the long way home. Taking the route down through the Lower Peninsula of Michigan. I've never been across the Mackinac Bridge, or seen most of Northern-lower MI/most of the UP before thrn. It was an AMAZING trip. We took it in 3 days. It only takes 6hrs through WI, but I wanted to take the scenic route/make a few stops :)
Our (Grant and I's. Katie and Corrinne diverged from us about an hour before we got there) first night was spent at Cran-Hill Ranch, and we stayed with the Wickes. I hadn't seen the whole family in a little over 1/2 a year. It was nice seeing them again, and catching up. We had fun talking about our different summers, and our new camp experiences. One of the things I love most about Christian Camping is the unity or 'oneness' of purpose (sound familiar Britta **smile**)in the area of Christian Camping. It's exciting to hear how God is working in other places outside of the place you're at. God is SO GOOD, and has been doing some AMAZING things in Christian camps in Michigan, in the US, and around the world (yes, there are Christian camps around the world!).
We left from there for Bair Lake (my 'home-camp' so to speak), and stopped off in Grand Rapids for a quick visit with my brother and NEW sister-in-law (Nate and Tiffany HAMILTON!) at their new apartment. (I♥them!) I'm glad they were home and available. It was a quick stop, and we hadn't planned ahead to stop, so I'm glad they were around :)
So, no trip down 131 from GR is complete without introducing a newbie to B&G, the BEST discount store EVER. I purchased a white Australian, animal theme bandana there... ^^
Anywho, we arrived at Bair Lake in the late afternoon of our 2nd day, and I was able to stop and say 'hi' to a lot of the staff that was around. I was also able to quick swing out and grab STEPHANIE S who was still close by (school hadn't started yet). Unfortunately, my previous roommates/fellow lady-members of the Outfitter program, were not at camp when I was there. They were both with there families at 'home-home'. We had a nice stay none-the-less, and Stephen and I got to talk face-to-face for the first time in a about two months... I'll get back to him once I wrap-up the trip ;) Grant and I finished our trip the next day at my house, where we promptly switched cars in order to take my mom to the train station (long story), and then made it back to my house in time to meet his parents who had just arrived to pick him up (He's from 'southern' IL (technically CENTRAL), but we all know that anything south of Cook county in 'southern' IL right???) ^^ All in all, it was a GREAT trip. You should check out my Facebook for pictures... It was an even more AMAZING summer! God blessed and led in SO many ways! Praise Him!

Okay, back to Stephen. Stephen is one of my best friends, he was also one of my fellow Outfitters, and it has been awesome watching God build our friendship. Honestly, I tell people, we don't have a 'cute' story, but it's one in which God has been able to show Himself mighty. Just being co-workers made us have to work through some things, and learn to respect each-other on some level. We certainly have had our rough times (haven't we??? **smile**), but through it all, I've gained a great friend. I know that he's likely to read this so, I won't put anything in here that I haven't told him already...He's really been there for me, and has been a BIG encouragement to me over the last year. I'm very glad we're friends, and we plan to stay that way. So, yes, if you haven't picked up on it yet, Stephen and I are officially dating, but in all honesty, things don't seem all that much different. Which, I realize could be taken rather 'scandalously', but really all I mean is that we're FRIENDS, first and for most. We now just have a more specified purpose/goal in mind. He knows this, but I could see myself marrying him someday...for now though, we're just taking it one day at a time with God. He still has 1 more year in Outfitters (potentially 2-ish more years of school after), and I still have 3 years of school (as of right now). He lives in MI, and I live in IL... but it's been really good. God has been really good to us. May HE be glorified!

God is GOOD!♥

So, I have plenty of things to talk about, but I have no idea how to say them or where to begin, so I'm going to simply have to say...I'm sorry, but this months newsletter is going to be a 'little' delayed to allow for my brain to catch-up with reality.

God is GOOD!♥

So, at long last, I'm going to finally sit down and try to put into writing the craziness, that has been defining my life the last couple of weeks... I can't believe it's only been about 4 weeks since my last post...

Anywho, prayer has certainly become a VERY necessary part of my life... My co-director and I pray every week night together for our campers, fellow staff members, and each other. With out prayers...aka without GOD, this summer would've been a big FLOP. As it is though, God has been doing some AMAZING things... He's provided words for BLTs (Bible Lesson Times), and has provided the right people to teach them (including me at times...which has been a growing experience in itself). He has gotten me through speakers I like, and speakers I'm not super comfortable with, but in the end, He has assured me of HIS sovereignty, and how each person is at camp for a reason... God can use all things for HIS glory and good! AMEN! He's given me words and strength when I had none. He's helped me talk to/pray through some difficult camper situations (home-sickness, anger, rebellion, SERIOUS spiritual warfare) God is FAITHFUL! He will NOT give us something we can't handle WITH HIM! We CAN do EVERYTHING through JESUS, and He IS there to walk us through the hard times.

This past week especially has been AMAZING! It was Sr.High week. Our last week of having actual campers (This coming week is a guest group, and then it's family camp). I LOVE High-Schoolers, and this past week was just an affirmation of the heart God has given me for that age group. I had such a GREAT week getting to know, talking with, hang-out with, praying with, and growing with my campers... God just ROCKED the place. I can't take ANY credit. Both my partner and I went into the week sick and exhausted, but God worked through our weakness, and showed Himself to be GREAT! I really grew to love my campers, and prayed for them like I've never prayed for people before... God also gave me a heart for the lost as I've never felt before, and I pray that the memory of that anguish will stay with me as I continue to live out my life in this broken and dying world. The speaker not only challenged my campers, but he challenged me as well... It was amazing to really witness God speaking through a person in such an incredible way... We had at least 3 campers make decisions to accept Jesus as their Savoir, and more rededicate their lives to Him. I'm SO excited to see what God is going to do in their lives.

The speaker ended the week telling us to go read Psalm 62, and WOW! God knew what He was saying when he placed that passage on his heart... "My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken..." I pray my campers really take that to heart, and really find their security in the ONLY thing that can truly protect and take care of them... GOD!

Praise God for ALL that you have been doing! May you continue to be glorified in our lives!

God is GOOD!♥

First off, I'd like to apologize for my VERY non-creative titles as of late...but for right now, it's quite descriptive as this blog is about the month of June. I know that June is not quite over, but I feel the need to give an update before I forget...

June 12th was the day I started working at Lake Ellen. Until that day, I had never been North of WI (in regards to the MI/WI area)... I've now lived in the UP for almost 3 weeks, and I LOVE it!!! The nearest Walmart is 40mins. Every morning I get to wake-up and watch the early morning sun glisten off Lake Ellen. We're SURROUNDED by acres of a National Reservation, and the landscape is just BEAUTIFUL.

The camp itself has been going really well also. I am a Co-Area Director, and we're in charge or the Main summer program. Our camps range from 2n&3rd graders-High school students. My partner and I are responsible for creating the schedule for all 5 weeks of camp. It's been challenging, but we're learning lots. We're on our 3rd full day of our first week. There's been lots of rearranging and changing of plans, but we're learning and the campers are having a GREAT time. 5 of our 20 campers have already found Jesus this week. Praise God!

Please pray for energy, confidence, and opportunities to share Jesus with ALL the people who come on grounds this summer. Thank you all for your support encouragement.

God is GOOD! ♥

I feel like I've slightly summed up May in my 'Ode to 21', but at the same time as that was not strictly speaking a 'Newsletter' update, I will attempt to quickly sum-up the month of May now...

Camp-wise, the beginning of May=Mens' Retreat weekend. Which went amazingly well. It was Baseball themed, and the speaker was the Chaplin from the Detroit Tigers. From what I saw and heard it was a successful weekend. At the end of that weekend we had two people join 'the staff' as early-arrival summer workers. One, is officially apart of the Senior Staff on Maintenance, and the other will be 'Interning' this summer as 'The Nature Guy'. I'm excited to see how things go with the Nature Center this summer. He has a lot of GREAT ideas.
A week or so later, my fellow Outfitters and I left with the Stiles on a surprise trip to the Detroit area. It was AWESOME. We went to Greenfield Village, which I'd never been to before. We also got to stay at Sarah Stile's parents house. They were so welcoming. Spending time with her parents was DEFINITELY one of the highlights for me. We also visited the Detroit Holocaust museum, and spent one of the evenings in Greek time. We ended our surprising traveling by going to Shipshewana(sp?). We went to the Mennonite museum, and to the Flea-market (I've wanted to go there for awhile, it was great!) All-in-all, it was a fun time being together.

Another 'main event' was my launching party. Bair Lake exists as a launching pad for people to make Jesus Christ known to their communities and world. Therefore, since I was getting ready to 'graduate' from the discipleship program, it was thus dubbed as getting ready 'to launch'. I had ZERO part in the planning. They decided to completely surprise me, and I was certainly surprised. I made it almost through their entire 'surprise' breakfast without suspecting a thing...they had to tell me what was going on...I LOVE my fellow Outfitters...it was certainly a VERY special day for me...THANKS GUYS! (if you're reading this...) ...the day closed with a big cook-out with the rest of staff and other friends. I was very touched, and it has certainly been a privilege to have worked these last two years with such godly, loving people. I'm going to miss them all dearly.

My younger brother Caleb graduated High School on the 25th, so I went home for that. I returned with a car! :)

Memorial Day weekend, found all four of us Outfitters working camp's Open House, but once we shut-down, we all piled into my car and drove the FOUR hours (which turned into 5) down to where my family was camping for the weekend. Camping Memorial Day weekend is one of my personal highlights of the year. I was really excited to be able to share it with my fellow Outfitters. It was fun having them be able to interact with my family and our friends for the weekend...I think everyone had fun... =D

So, this isn't turning into a 'quick' summary...oh well...I'm almost finished! =D

I was able to spend my 21st birthday at camp, but then on June 3rd (after driving home to switch vehicles/pick-up my younger brother), I moved back home from camp. My younger brother, Caleb is on the Senior Staff this year, so I moved him onto camp, and he helped me load the van with my stuff. It was a bittersweet moment, but I'm excited for his time at camp. I pray that his experience at camp will draw him close to God as well.

I'm currently in that 'awkward' in between stage. I'm not officially doing anything right now. It's hard, but it's kind of nice. I've been able to set-up my room, so I don't have to do that when I move back again in August. It has also given me a chance to kind of reflect and process through some stuff before moving onto the next thing. My time at camp has been good...not always easy, but good. I've learned a lot. I've been challenged, and I've grown. I know that I am much stronger now in my faith then before, and have a greater peace about who God is; specifically who He is to me...(Psalm 113) and I look forward to all that He is going to continue to do in my life and in the lives of the people around me. To those of you still at camp...Keep in touch...for those of you who aren't...SAME! =D

I love you guys! Thanks for all the prayers, support, and encouragement! ♥

God is GOOD!♥

So, I was planning on writing this ON my birthday, but that just didn't happen. Well, now that it's been 5 days, I've really been able to 'soak-in' the fact that I am indeed TWENTY-ONE years old! Yes, I can now buy guns, alcohol, go to a Casino, apply for my concealed weapons license (at least in Michigan I could)... However, really and truly what another birthday means is a whole other year coming and going. Yes, 'New Years' happens in January, but for me the new year starts in June. Man, oh man, what a year it's been too.

I was diagnosed Gluten Sensitive just before my last birthday. My older brother got engaged. I was AV Director for Bair Lake Bible Camp in the summer. I started dating my first boyfriend. Went to Detroit for the first time. Had my program kind of sort of split. My 'home' church go through another MAJOR transition after which it changed name in order to become a 'new' church again. Thought my first 'Bible Class'. Went to NYC, and actually got to walk around Time Square and go up in the Empire State Building. I went through my first break-up. Got back on Facebook. I made a REAL gingerbread house. My mom and sister were diagnosed Gluten Sensitive. I was placed on an ACTUAL phone plan. Was accepted to TWO colleges. Signed up for classes. Searched for, found, changed plans, and found another summer job. Cultivated a deeper relationship with God and the people around me. Started the 'launching' process from my Discipleship program. Went camping (HAHA **winky face** for those who get it...) Turned 21! ...Read LOTS of books. Made lots of memories. Learned lots of lessons. Got angry, became sad. Took pictures. Laughed, cried. Loved...LIVED! (still loving...still living) =D

This is the day the Lord has made; Let us REJOICE and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24 NIV (emphasis MINE) :)

God is GOOD!♥

"What do I get?" isn't the issue....
"What do I give?" is what should matter to you...

God seeks and desires us to love Him
and that is NOT a sin
b/c He GIVES more than Anyone
just to prove His Love.

After typing the very words of my title I speculated and then confirmed my own suspicions. In no way have I mentioned in my blogs about being Gluten Sensitive/Intolerant. I have somehow, in my summaries of lessons and events of the last year, 'overlooked' what is truly a MAJOR health issue that greatly effected and IS effecting my life. Hence the title...
It's time I STOPPED living in denial. I'm not 'sick', but I'm not healthy either. My gluten issue is genetic, and though not diagnosed till I was almost 20, it has probably been slowly damaging my body since birth. At the end of last May, I was put on a permanent, 100% gluten-free diet. However, my problems have not ended there. I have now, thankfully STOPPED harming my body, but I now have to face the reality of needing to repair the damage that has already been done. It's hard. I don't like admitting that I still struggle with being inexplicably depressed and emotional. Feeling like I'm fighting a wall of doubt, anxiety, fear, and sadness from crashing down on top of me, threatening to inhibit my ability to function 'normally'. Stress inducing situations quickly become overwhelming and unmanageable. My goal-oriented personality becomes discouraged which makes it easy for self-loathe to settle in. Apathy sets in as my body defensively turns to feeling 'nothing' as opposed to the tidal-wave of uncontrolled emotion.

So what now? Well, recognizing that I have a problem is definitely a good first step, but now it’s time to get serious about finding help. It’s going to take time, energy, and effort to find the answers behind my symptoms. I’m going to need patience, and make myself available as I give the treatments time to work. Ultimately, I need prayer for wisdom. I need God to direct me in how I need to go about taking care of the body He has entrusted to me. Thus far, I’ve been ignoring it, and placing my health on a ‘back-burner’. I can’t do that anymore. It’s too much. I need help.

If there is one good thing (though I suppose when I think about it there are several), about the whole situation it is this; we humans are truly "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139). The human body is SO complex and SO intricately designed. All of it is interconnected in ways that we are still just starting to discover. It’s a POWERFUL reminder of God’s greatness and wisdom. He is the Great Designer. He alone knows EVERYTHING about us, and how we function. We humans are just starting to make a dent…if that =D Praise God for His GREATNESS!

God is GOOD!♥

I will no longer be working at Camp Summit this summer. After much thinking and praying, I do not believe it is where I'm supposed to be this summer. Please continue to pray for me as I continue to seek God's wisdom for where He wants me to be this summer. I have some options open to me right now, but we're taking suggestions. So, if you have any ideas feel free to let me know. Thanks for all of your prayers and support! (Proverbs 3:5-6)

God is GOOD!♥

Alot of
Patience is
Required...
Irreguardless of the
Lack there of


Patience seems to be the theme of my current 'phase' of life. I don't seem to have a lot of it. I want to know... What's going to happen??? Where am I supposed to go??? What am I supposed to do/be doing??? And they aren't BAD questions, but MAYBE I'm not supposed to know ALL the answers...??? I don't know...just a thought :)... Actually, it's true. Once again, I'm faced with the reality that I AM NOT God...shouldn't be that hard to remember, but...When it comes to not knowing the answers I don't like it...but only God knows EVERYTHING. I am NOT God, therefore...I do NOT know EVERYTHING!!!...Yeah for A=B,B(doesn't)=C, therefore C(doesn't)=A!!! Yes, I am a nerd ^^... Anywho, April has been a time of waiting for me. Waiting for other people to make decisions. Trusting that God was leading me to wait. Accepting WAIT as an answer to some of my MANY questions. Thankfully, God is also the One who does SATISFY, and we don't have to wait FOREVER. In fact, something we have to wait A LOT less than forever.

One thing I've been waiting to hear back about was my acceptance to a Christian College by my house in IL. Earlier this month, I'm happy to report I did receive my official acceptance to Trinity Christian College. So, as of right now, I'm planning on moving BACK home to IL in August (after being 'out-of-the-house' for THREE years). It will be a fairly big adjustment, but I am particularly excited to be able to spend more time with my younger sister who is FINALLY to that age where we can hang out on a more 'even' level (She's five years younger than me). It will be cool to see how God uses that...Also, I will hopefully be able to reconnect with friends from high school whom I haven't spent much time with since high school.

Secondly, I was waiting to hear back about a summer job. This past Monday, I was officially offered a summer position at Camp Summit in IL, and I have verbally accepted. An official contract will be coming soon. Pray for me as I will be needing to raise support for myself in order to work there this summer. I look forward to seeing all that God will do this summer, and to the new experiences I have ahead.
Thank you all for you prayer, love, and support. My time with Outfitters is drawing to a close, but don't worry, I plan to keep blogging (I'm hooked!). So, keep watching for updates, as I will continue to try to keep you all updated on what going on as I move forward into this new 'phase'.

God is GOOD! ♥